Why Are You Here, Right Now?

by justine

It is much harder to put something off than it is to actually do it. We talk, think, try to come up with a new angle, improve the plan, clear the clutter, get more sleep, stay up later, put more time in or take more time off – the cold truth is, if we just DID whatever IT is, we’d be able to move on, free and satisfied in our accomplishment.

IT can be many things – call the repair man, make the doctor’s appt, read that book, talk to someone about something important, quit any number of substances, write a few pages, finally step into the gym… What keeps us from anything we think we want to do (but just can’t make ourselves do) is RESISTANCE.

“Resistance is monumental; I feel it like a massive brick of fear… I also know from experience that the alternative to doing my work is a hundred times worse than the pain or fear of doing it.”

~Steven Pressfield  { More Here }

The awareness of the illogical circle resistance creates doesn’t help. Well, it does because you can build up your armor to fight it, but when yer still learning like I am, man, it’s tough. I struggle every.single.f-ing.day to do what I want to do. What Pressfield calls “shift(ing) the seat of our identity from the ego to the Self.”

The past few weeks I’ve felt pretty good, but I’ve been spoiled and in my surface-y world. I’ve detached from my job, traveled, spent ample amounts of time with my boyfriend and friends, been caught up in drama, talked and talked and talked. I’ve created an onslaught of events that have kept me distance from my deeper self. But you can’t do any real work, you can’t create or brainstorm or even think clearly unless you have enough quiet to access your inner world.

Last night, I dreamt I was on top of a playground slide while watching a small plane flying overhead. A small thing fell out of the plane, then another. It seemed to be young boys, early teens, parachuting…

SLIDE: To dream that you or somebody is on a slide, indicates that you are experiencing some instability in your waking life. You have lost your grip on a situation or relationship.

PARACHUTE: Alternatively, the dream implies that it is time to bail out of a situation or abandon an old idea or habit.

AIRPLANE: To see an airplane in your dream, indicates that you will overcome your obstacles and rise to a new level of prominence and status. You may experience a higher consciousness, new-found freedom and greater awareness. Perhaps you need to gain a better perspective or wider view on something.

So – I feel unstable and it’s time to bail out of situation or abandon an old idea and, hypothetically, if I do, I will overcome obstacles and rise to the a new level. Sounds promising to me. Because here’s the thing, here’s my point in all this rambling – I am sucking right now at beating resistance, but I feel so stupidly stuck in my life that I don’t even know why to beat it. Like, what’s the end goal?

As Merlin Mann writes on his “How To Use 43 folders” page:

“Why am I here right now instead of making something cool on my own? What’s the barrier to me starting that right now?”

And that’s my point: Why am I here – at this job, in this city, not building my business, not looking for new opportunities – and not making something cool on my own?

Because all I want to do is work hard, collaborate, add goodness to the world and be as freakin’ rockin’ as I can be. But to overcome the limiting situation I find myself in, I have to overcome resistance, and y’know, familiar is safe and safe is not stressful… but it’s not enough. It’s not enough b/c I am banging my head on the walls of my life.

I want to make something awesome every day and right now, I’m selling myself short.

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What’s your experience with resistance, dear reader? Are you selling yourself short somehow?

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