Last night, I dreamt about a spider the size of a softball. It was a tarantula, a big, hairy, brown and black one. This was not a Godzilla dream – unfathomable monster comes crashing through walls – but like most of my dreams, it was realistic. I felt panic. Freaking out, I tried my best to stay calm. At one point the spider hung from the ceiling like a bad Halloween decoration and then swung violently around the room like those battery-operated planes in toy stores. It felt like it was lashing out, unpredictably and I was so scared that it was going to swing over my head. I was frantically ducking and shaking.
I don’t remember much else, but it was in no way a resolved. I woke up feeling scared and didn’t want to go back to sleep.
Curious about the symbolism of dream spiders, especially tarantulas, I did some searching.
Dream spiders are enigmatic, much like their waking life counterparts. On one hand, a spider may be seen as venomous, poisonous and as such may indicate a poisonous aspect of yourself, something causing you to engage in self-sabotage. Or it may indicate a toxic relationship, one that has an insidious hold one you, draining away your life force. It may also indicate that you feel trapped in a situation or relationship.
Spider webs, too, have different meanings. Even with the fear that spiders inspire, it is difficult to deny the ingenuity and marvelous creativity of their web building abilities. Seeing a spider building a web may indicate industriousness on your part, or a creative project coming into being. Alternatively, seeing a spider web may indicate a sticky situation, or a complex series of events or emotions. ~ Bella Online
The ups and downs I wrote about last night have to do with my relationship with my mother. Even though I do not regularly interpret my dreams, I found the below spot on.
The spider is also symbolic of feminine power or an overbearing mother figure in your life. Alternatively, a spider refers to a powerful force protecting you against your self-destructive behavior. ~Dreammoods
I am sharing this because the above fits in a way that I’m able to articulate. My body, my subconscious felt and expressed this emotional complexity on a deeper, less tangible level. I do feel trapped in parts of my life, just not the parts my mother thinks. I do struggle with our relationship even as I try to heal. I have been self-sabatoging (who hasn’t?). As with all mother / daughter relationships, it’s a tricky situation, nothing that can be even remotely summed up here. And maybe that’s only a piece of the puzzle. Maybe I need more patience, as spiders rebuild their webs daily and wait for their food. Maybe I want to be more creative.
Just making a note of things.