Waiting For A Wave

by justine

I want to write and then I don’t. I tell myself it’s because I don’t know what to write about, but really, it’s that I have so much to say and I can’t seem to articulate it… or find enough quiet to jot it down and then map it out. Well, I have the time, it’s the… butt in chair action I’m needing. The focus.

This week I’ve been trying a little experiment – Do what I want. Radical, I know. Of course, this is within reason, or I would’ve been on a plane to Italy, complete disregard for my bank account and obligations. It’s more like little steps; exercising the dog when I want to, not when I feel guilty, doodling when I need a mental break, going to yoga, taking my time with things (driving, eating, getting out of bed).

It’s actually been wonderful – this week’s been easier and more fulfilling than most. I guess we can deem the experience a “success” though the skeptic in me wants more evidence. Y’know, grander highs, less lower lows, hysterical laughter and giddiness about life. But that just isn’t reasonable reality.

Even though I’ve had a great week, today I am a bit foggy, right in line with the heavy mist of the coastal morning and a Moon Void of Course. I can feel myself being pulled to drama and the sugar bowl. I can’t name this feeling, but I recognize it. My new approach is to be gentle with myself, though I’m not really sure what that looks like for me. Feeling it out. For starters, it’s reassuring myself that feeling this way is OK, we’ve been here before, it will pass. Nothing is required of me to change it or banish it away. I can just recognize that this is the me I’m bringing to the table today.

It’s the annual new moon in Pisces tomorrow and horoscopes are pointing towards lots of ACTION for me this month, but today not so much. If life is like surfing, we’re either paddling out, catching our breath waiting for a wave, or riding one in. So today I’m just going to sit out in this ocean of clouds and wait, gathering my resources for the next wave, one I hope to ride in for quite some time.