Only Time for Doing

by justine

My job is changing.

The current position I’ve held for 3 yrs is ending in August. Regardless of being open to the change, this is nerve-wracking. When your significant other is laid off each year and you teeter on a disposable income of less than $250 per month, things can get real scary, real fast.

Financially, I’m fine, really – I spend less than I earn, have health insurance and a small emergency fund. A few years ago it became of utmost importance to be financially independent of my parents and I did just that. Organizing my bills, managing a credit card, and balancing a joint household budget are all skills I’ve developed since leaving the nest. I think I’ve done a darn good job.

But I’ve had a steady job for 3 yrs now. No matter my personal frustrations with my position, my income was stable. And we know that I’m feeling the upheaval of my current situation.

I’ve been working on translating a “volunteer” position into a paid position. Today the phone call finally came with the set salary and start date. This will mesh two jobs together, give me more income and hopefully more clout. It will at least give me more to do.

But the call, the whole experience, has been so anti-climactic, that I don’t know how I feel about it. Yes, it’s the job I want – I wrote the stupid job description. Yes, it’s a great salary, much more than I thought they’d shell out. Yes, I’m excited to get started and run crazy with my goals and network and plans.

Something feels off… All the phone calls, the waiting, the drama surrounding it burnt me out. I crossed that line into “whatever”. It feels so unsettled, so unofficial. I don’t seem excited because I’m not sure it’s real yet. Always prone to conservative reactions, the added gate-keeper of Mercury Retrograde lends a cautious air to it all.

“There is not time for doubting, only doing.” ~Collage Diva

Isn’t that a wonderful quote? Not to say we should rush headlong into craziness, but that sometimes we think too much. Ok, fine, I think too much all of the time. So I’m throwing this post up as a sign marker that says, “I’m allowing myself to move forward with a big change without all the details worked out”. This is normally against my better judgment, but I also have nothing to lose right now. So, why question? Why doubt?

This retrograde period is all about my willingness to see, to hang in there long enough to let the details work themselves out. With my backpack full of courage, I’m continuing on my little journey. It may be a limbo period, but I’ll feel my way through, focusing on what I can. Nothing more, not for now.

The doing is what keeps me focused on the moment, keeps me grounded in life. But really, it’s being. There is no time for doubting, only being.

We are really alive when we live in non-belief—open, waiting, trusting, and loving to do what appears in front of us now. ~Byron Katie