The Me That I Know I Am (#trust30 Day 3)

by justine

Today’s #Trust30 prompt is difficult. By asking me to explain a deeply held belief I share separate from my family and friends, I’m essentially forced to figure out what I believe 100% of myself. It seems that I don’t really think about what I believe as it doesn’t relate to others.

But here is what I could come up with in today’s small spaces…

My belief is that reading & writing – the physical actions – center and calm me in a spiritual way. This is not the greatly detailed “write your way to yourself” or anything new-agey. While I do believe that writing our thoughts out help clarify how we feel about what we are living, that’s not precisely what I’m getting at here.

No, what I mean is reading and writing are as natural to me as laughing is to babies or napping in the sun is for my dog. It’s something I do instinctively. Feeling volatile, cranky, wobbly, sad, happy, erratic, ecstatic, or scared… I write or I read, and lately, I do a lot of both.

These actions – my hand shepherding a blue pen across the page, thumbing through a book, seeing type come into sharp focus, hearing characters in my head, and replaying a scene from my day over and over – all suck me into such a flow that I am unable to describe it accurately. I – the one who worries about pimples and promotions and if my car needs gas – that girl – fades out into the ether and I’m left with the me that I know I am, when I take away the world and am left with only the “perfect sweetness – the independence of solitude.