I don’t share this blog. It’s been 100 posts and over a year, and I’m not sure one person reads it. Most of the time, I’m OK with that. Other times, I want to be part of a larger community. I want this to be a conversation.
Two bloggers that just fill my heart daily are Jamie Ridler and Susannah Conway. I depend on their writings to lift my spirits and relax my mind. And sometimes, with the help of Twitter, I actually get to say “hi” to these people. But they’re far-flung and not likely to be sidling up to tea with me anytime soon. Twitter makes for interesting conversation, but not instant friendships.
I told my friend Mike about this perceived lack of community. Perceived because it is really my own hesitation to put myself out there that keeps me from connecting with people. Sure, my job requires me to chat, connect and network all day, but what about deeper conversations? What about sharing art and words? What about vulnerability?
Mike’s boyfriend is a painter, but I forget this all.the.time. Here is a guy I inspired by suggesting he read The Creative Habit by Twyla Tharp and yet, I myself haven’t read the whole book. Here are two guys, one a piano-playing-composing-supportive friend and the other a sensitive, passionate painter, that I’m actually already friends with and I’m pining for some made up connection out there?
The same thing happened a while ago when I complained about the lack of female friends in my life. The friend I whined to turned it right around and said, “Really? All you talk about are girls you’re friends with”. Oh. Hhmm. Ok, so maybe I’m not lacking female friends, but maybe those friendships could use some tweaking.
I guess the same goes for my creative community.
Mike encouraged me to just start doing things. He said the satisfaction he’s gotten from completing things is amazing and I could see his enthusiasm as he spoke. He’s had a really great 12 months, with projects and opportunities he couldn’t imagine right after he left his mostly-steady-but-draining job last year.
A few nights ago, I awoke from a restless dream where my fiance was cheating on me. In one scene, I was wandering around my old high school, but the back parking lot was full of junk. Overhead there was a beehive, and I watched as a dragonfly flew into the hive and came back out with what I assumed was the queen bee, promptly removing her from home-base. Even though my dream was upsetting due to the realistic romantic unraveling, the dragonfly is what struck me.
School = feelings of inadequacy and unresolved insecurities. Also, signifies spiritual lessons and journeys.
Junk = need to discard old habits or items
Parking lot = need to slow down and take time
Bees / beehive = creativity, bliss, good luck. Symbolize hard work will pay off and life is buzzing with activity. The hive suggests many opportunities to get ahead in life and the importance of team work. Queen bee in general language is someone who thinks they’re too cool for school.
Dragonfly = change and regeneration. Something in your life is not what it appears to be. Can also mean instability and always on the go.
Still not sure what to make of it, but you can see the overlap of busyness / need to slow down… insecurities / being too confident… need to discard habits / change… and all within the buzzing activity of bliss and creativity. Also note the beehive brings in creativity AND teamwork.
Whatever it means, I’m open to the changes, to bringing in more creativity, to regeneration of old insecurities into new bliss, to slowing down and taking time, following some thread of bliss through my life.
**All dream interpretation was pulled from Dream Moods