I (Don’t) Create Music (Yet)

by justine

I attended the ASCAP I Create Music Expo in Hollywood, CA last week. This year’s event went a lot faster than previous ones, but it felt less inspirational in the sessions. That doesn’t mean I didn’t leave inspired. Katy Perry, Stargate, Ne-yo, Mike Posner and composers James S. Levine and Michael Brook shared their stories, careers and songwriting experiences. But what challenged me was something someone said during a lunch I hosted for work.

The event was for 10 people and had basically finished. The check was paid, most of the attendees headed off to their next panel. But I stayed chatting with an older guy. And as he spoke, I could hear a Philly accent. And he started to tell the story of what a teacher said to his class back when he was a student. Then he said my name (which people do not tend to do). It caught my ear.

Justine. Now I’m paraphrasing what this guy said, but he basically told us ‘Don’t be intimidated by this anymore. It’s just music. These are just tools.’

I felt the world slow down. Anyone else feel that?

It didn’t seem so. Even the man telling the story carried on to his next thought. But I felt like this was a direct message from the Universe. And the SECOND ONE of the week for that matter. The 3rd picture up top is from my girl’s day in Ventura, where a friend pulled a few Goddess cards for me and that’s what came up:


I mean, come ON.

It’s been a long time since I’ve written songs or even thought of myself as a musician. It feels too complex to get into now (I explained some here). But I’ve felt the struggle come up between work and creativity again. How I spent the past 5 weeks dumping my creative and physical energy into my job, without leaving any time or space for my own creative work. And while I need to do my job to the best of my abilities, going above and beyond seems to be an excuse to ignore deeper creative work.

And that’s what I think I’m being hit over the head with by the Universe.

So I took that photo above with the “I am a songwriter” speech bubble on purpose. Y’know, the whole fake-it-till-you-make-it thing. Guess we’ll see where this goes.