Allowing Myself

…to feel, to love, to be.

Month: June, 2013

Monthly Nutshell: June 2013

Boy ‘o boy, do I feel like this past month beat me into submission. Hence not many posts. But then there were lots of posts, thanks to the idea of an editorial calendar (found via Ann-Marie‘s blog, which I am so digging). Like, duh, why didn’t I think of this sooner?! But now that I have, any idea posts go straight into Google calendar and when I have the urge to write, the ideas are all there – both guiding and motivating me, FTW!

So, yeah, June you weren’t the easiest month, but I guess that’s just how these things go.

I remember welcoming you in – and even that day felt a little blah.

We set up the patio garden, finally. And saw a few tiny tomatoes coming in.

There was routine and welcoming summer early.

My parents visited LA – their first trip with all three of us kids living here in SoCal now.

H and I bought new furniture after a raucous day out with friends drinking mimosas. Much to Carter’s dismay, the old furniture was put out on the curb for free.

I tagged along with H to work a few times, up super early to be in Malibu by 8am. This changed up my routine and gave me some much needed ocean communing time (see photo above).

Posted an update about my hair cut, which I am still on the fence about.

Bowled the high score of my life, which included a turkey!

Thought about and posted a Summer Manifesto. Plan to update that as the weeks go on.

And I participated in Day In The Life, which helped me reconcile a few things again. Emotions always churning, life always moving along…

How was your month?? xo

The Ottoman Has Left The Building


We finally purchased new furniture. H managed to drag the chair and ottoman out to the curb, and I helped with the couch. 6 years of used furniture gone and to be replaced with a brand-spanking-new-we-paid-cash-we’re-adults-now set.

Carter seemed stressed out by all of the moving. And I think he’s pissed we got rid of his ottoman. Tough luck, kid. Mommy needed a new chair.

Happy weekend!

Day In The Life: Live Is Being Lived

Lately, I’ve been up and down emotionally. When this happens, I never know exactly why and therefore randomly try things to help me feel better. Most don’t seem to work and the best plan is just to wait it out. Monday was anxiety, Wednesday was frustration, and Thursday was something close to depression.

But when I remembered it was June’s “day in the life“, I perked up. Here was something that could anchor my day. Something that would remind me to notice the moments and to choose the “better” task hour to hour.

So, I went through my day, taking photos. And I remembered my horoscope from Astrobarry last week:

In case you haven’t noticed by now, Pisces, the horoscopes I’ve been writing you lately have been pretty fucking awesome. They have mostly centered around accepting yourself for who you are, right here and right now (instead of mooning over what could’ve been or might someday be), and just reveling in the giddiness and gorgeousness and general good-time feelings wherever and whenever you can find ’em. Now, I don’t want to be a sugarcoating bliss-ninny and give you the mistaken impression that everything in life will be sunshine and rainbow and tutti-frutti ice-cream cones from here on out—hell, I bet even at the best of times, there are still some things that are functioning poorly and/or mainly serve the role of ‘giant pain-in-the-ass’. And yet, here comes a year full of Jupiter-in-the-5th, starting early next week, which is one of the loveliest astrological happenings a sign can experience: an increase of encouraging planetary energy in the house of love and romance, children and child-like wonder, pleasure and play, and all leisure-time activities which bring creative self-fulfillment. Raise the roof on that one, dear fishy! While this will not magically remove all bumps-in-the-road or thorns-in-your-side, it does support you whenever you take steps to improve your appreciative enjoyment of the world. Knowing you, the hardest part just might be determining what you most genuinely enjoy… without unduly considering everyone else’s preferences and pressures. Doing more of what you really really love, by the way, is an incredibly attractivequality.

And I focused on doing what I wanted to do.

This is the hardest thing for me. I may seem all bad-ass and confident, but sometimes the slightest look from a friend or word from H can send me off into the hustle for worthiness.

This week had plenty of that as I prepared for my annual review. Even though I just received a promotion, even though I rock my job, it sent me into a panic. Thoughts swirling about if I’ve done enough and will make the cut. If I’m liked

But I kept my focus on taking those photos. And the ideas from above: “just reveling in the giddiness and gorgeousness and general good-time feelings wherever and whenever you can find ’em… pleasure and play, and all leisure-time activities which bring creative self-fulfillment“.

And I realize now as I write this that the act of taking these photos, of noticing my life, gives value to where I’m at, allowing myself to do what I want with these precious minutes I’m given each day. And it brings creative fulfillment, which brings me deep happiness with myself and my life.

*The picture of the 3 of us on our family walk is my fav

Ali Edward’s Day In The Life
Susannah Conway’s e-courses, especially Unravelling
Liz Lamoreux
Brene Brown

2013 Summer Manifesto

At first I thought, “No way. Not another list with more pressure added to having the perfect experience, trying to live my days like the unachievable images on the interwebs.” Ahem, Pinterest.

But then I got to thinking. We’re young, married, renters, child-free with good incomes — we could have the best.summer.ever. Minus the pressure. We could set some seriously fun intentions for the next 2 months.

So I wrote up a sort of wish list. It ended up being exactly 30 items, though some things (like “revamp the apartment”) will have multiple steps. Even if I do 10 of these things, it’ll make for some awesome memories.

Kind of already got a head start when my parents were in town. Mom took me out for a mani/pedi and we spent a good chunk of time Newport Beach, welcoming in summer. So we’ll see how the rest goes. Thinking it’s gonna make for a pretty sweet collage come September.

See the sunrise
See the sun (set at the ocean)
Eat at Malibu Seafood
Read 4 books, 1 LA noir
(Currently reading 3… World War Z, The Untethered Soul & Made To Stick)
Take a weekend trip (Visit L&T 8.16.13)
Do a LONG hike (8/2/13 Probably only 3m, but it was TOUGH)
Eat a perfect peach (8.8.13 delicious sliced peach in a fruit salad during a work mtg)
Dive into Ali Edward’s Hello Story (7/24/13)
Hang some plants
Participate in August Break (Started 8/1/13)
Play Cards Against Humanity (7/27/13)
Take a silhouette photo
Get a mani/pedi (6/20/13)
AZ River Trip (7/27/13)
Swim in a pool (6/30/13)
Spend the entire day on the beach (6/15/13)
Bike to Playa Del Rey (walked this path on 7/7/13 but still want to bike)
Run – a trail, the beach path, a 5 miler
Create a feather wall
Finish up my digital scrapbooking class
Write a song and record it (with H)
Eat a tomato from our plant (7/22/13)
DTLA art walk
Make and eat s’mores (7/6/13)
See fireworks (7/4/13)
Celebrate our one year (Weekend of 7/5/13)
Take a day off just for me
See an action movie (We binge-watched 70+ episodes of Battlestar Galactic – this so counts)
Grill a perfect steak (8.11.13)
Revamp the apartment

*Inspired by Ali Edwards and Kelly Purkey
*If you’ve written up a summer manifesto, please share it with me. I love reading them. xo

Since this summer has been so awesome, I wanted to add a few items that weren’t on the list. Most are from our trip to Philly – and I plan on a better recap post – but adding these things here for now: kayaked for the first time, climbed a rock wall for the first time, swam and jumped at Dutch Springs, saw a Phillies game, ate a cheesesteak, visited Love Park, ran the Philly Art Museum stairs (like Rocky), saw a concert with friends, had my sister babysit Carter, clean our apartment and buy us flowers, started organizing the wedding planning scrapbook, H had our wedding photos printed up, and ate at Wawa (3x – ugh).




We went out bowling with friends last Friday. I am not a great bowler, but I like going. I mean, who doesn’t love wearing odd shoes, throwing heavy balls down a lane and simultaneously laughing at and cheering on friends?

My games were going fine, nothing too crazy, until my one friend decided to pair us off into teams to up the ante. He put H and I on opposite teams, ignoring my competitive nature. It was on.

On like donkey kong.

I bowled the best freakin’ game of my life. 156 points AND A TURKEY. That is 3 – THREE – strikes in a ROW for those of you who don’t bowl. The gods of bowling parted the stale-popcorn-air of this Disney-music-filled alley and blessed my little head.

Victory was had. Victory was sweet. And it was short lived.

I bowled a 99 in my next game. But for that one game, I kicked some bowling butt. That’s just how I roll.

Parents In LA






It’s been months since I saw my parents in Vegas and they haven’t visited LA since Thanksgiving November 2011 when we purchased my wedding dress. And we didn’t go home for Christmas this year. So, it’s been a while. And in that time, both my brother and sister relocated to southern California as well. This was the first visit with all three kids here.

I think this trip set the bar for the next one. Until then, we’ll talk about how they stayed with my sister and helped her fix apartment issues. How her landlord is finicky; they needed him to snake the kitchen sink, we couldn’t cook, so we ate In&Out. Mom and Dad got milkshakes. We’ll talk about how we drove up to Duke’s in Malibu for lunch near the ocean, and could only get the table right off the patio in the bar. The pictures above are from our stop on PCH because traffic was backed up.

They’ll tell people how they visited Newport Beach where my brother lives, hung out on the beach, ate good food. How they had dinner with his boss, and my sister and I split a bottle of wine. How our hotel ended up being where the Yankees were staying and my mom got a photo with Mariano Rivera. (Highlight of the trip for them, I’m sure).

We’ll talk about meeting up at Malibu Wines after they got lost, and how it was relaxing but the flies landing on our picnic sucked. How they loved the aquarium by the Tanked guy the most. They may mention sitting in our apartment relaxing, walking Carter with me or how Mom and I got mani-pedis. They’ll definitely mention the hike my sister took them on and seeing the sunset. And possibly the dinner of pizza and wine in my neighborhood.

We’ll talk about my sister’s crazy dance moves to Blurred Lines, margaritas and mexican food. How they shopped at Home Deport and Bed, Bath and Beyond even though they were on vacation. And slept on air mattresses because of the layout of our apartments. They’ll rave about my sister’s job and company, about how nice of an apartment I live in, how my brother is doing really well. (They’re very proud of us).

And while all of this was nice, I will tell people about how it was so nice to finally spend time with my parents without them running around crazy. To talk to my dad while we walked the dog in my now-hometown, Los Angeles. That my mom was slightly choked up as I drove her home from our manicures, saying that we’d wasted so much time, and that our wedding was still the talk of people back home… and I told her it was OK – that everything’s working out just as it should.

And it has. And I think this trip was the best way to kick off our family now – with the three kids all grown up with jobs and apartments – and my parents settling into their empty-nest, saving money and building their business, so they can visit even more.

I very much look forward to it.


Here are a few other posts about my relationship with my parents:
Father’s Day
Happy Birthday Dad
A Note For My Mom

This post inspired by hula seventy’s about paris.


Pretty Much The Best Day Ever For Mimosas

Saturday was spent out with some awesome friends, drinking unlimited mimosas and then taking out tipsy selves to wander around Santa Monica. Some how we ended up in Tiffany’s looking at ridiculous rings. Now, I used to not care one bit about expensive jewelry but let me tell you…

Their Jazz Age line inspired by the Great Gatsby movie is to die for. So when the sales woman handed me a $16k yellow diamond ring to try on, I almost cried. I don’t think I’ve ever pined for one little item in my life. Diamond fever.

Somehow H got me home where I promptly passed out for most of the evening. Good times.

Update: Haircut

Last month, I cut my hair off on a whim.

It was probably a year since my last hair cut and it had gotten so long it felt gross. When I realized it was long enough to donate to Locks of Love, I jumped at the chance. Donating it takes the sadness away from the shock. Like 12 inches shorter…

And I’d like to note here that I am not normally freaking out about my haircuts. My hair is wavy, so it hides shitty cuts well, and it grows so darn fast in the SoCal heat that even a disaster will grow out in a month.

So what’s working?

  • Showers are short and easy. No more struggling to get gobs of shampoo out of my hair.
  • The time it takes me to get ready is much shorter. And no blowdryer needed.
  • When people compliment me on it, it seems random, like they truly want to say “Gah! I love your hair!”
  • Way less choices with how to wear it.
  • Only needing a hat when I go running. None of this braids / hair-ties / ponytails business.
  • Waking up from naps, having it blown out from the wind on a car ride, and it still looking good.
  • The curlier / bigger hair, the better.

What’s not so awesome?

  • Way less choices with how to wear it. It’s either down and curly or falling out of a very small ponytail.
  • I don’t love it. I’m not sure why. I love the idead of it. I enjoy the compliments, but it doesn’t truly feel like me yet.
  • Having it in / on my face and neck so much.
  • Sunburn on my scalp!
  • Thinking that I either need it longer (right past my shoulders) or even shorter (which is kind of a scary thought right now)

It is truly odd, though, to have a haircut where most of the time I think it looks like crap and yet, all of the feedback I’m receiving about it is super positive. Not sure what to make of that, but it’s the biggest observation I’ve made so far.

What about you? Have you ever gone with a radical hairstyle change and felt unsure about it?

Sundays Are For (Week 25)




Today we were tired / hungover enough from our adventures yesterday at an all-you-can-drink mimosa brunch we were unsure what to do with our time. We thought movies, naps, straighten up… and then H suggested we try Ashley’s furniture just one more time to update the living room.

I’ve wanted to update the apartment for almost a year now. And after the pain in the ass searches of almost buying a house last month (so frustrating, I didn’t even write about it) now I’m even more driven to redecorate and clean up our apartment while we wait out the housing market bubble.

Getting H on board was hit and miss. But finally today, we pulled the trigger. We purchased the set in the second photo, to be delivered later this week. Then H spent a good chunk of the evening moving the TV / shelving / cables to another part of the room. It felt like a disaster for a moment with the carpet pad getting ripped and stuck, but H figured it out.

In between we went out for sushi and took a nap. All in all it was a productive Sunday. The new layout of the living room is a huge improvement even with our old furniture (which I’m hoping to dump this week!). And I plan on deep cleaning and repainting the space over the next two weeks.

Woo! How was your weekend? I’d love to hear about it in the comments ❤

There’s A Puppy In My Bed

After our morning exercise, while I’m showering, this little guy will lay at the foot of the bed. Sometimes he lays on his side, soaking up the sunbeams. Other times he’ll stretch out long and pant in front of the fan. And every once in a while, he’ll take advantage of the unmade bed to curl up right where we lay our heads, like he knows that this is how you actually sleep up on this comfy platform.

This is the life.