Allowing Myself

…to feel, to love, to be.

Tag: astrology

Wandering Through the Garden

“Working on ourselves is a lot like cultivating a garden.” ~ lois wilson

My friend Steve shared the quote above on yesterday’s post where I spoke about my slow entry into this new year. The garden reference supports what I’m feeling – that the past 2 months or so were a time to rest, to let the fields lay fallow, to drawn in.

But with the new year energy (all those motivating pins on Pinterest! all those big resolution posts on Facebook!) it make sense to feel a little behind. And then one of the biggest shifts in astrological news coincided with Christmas week – Saturn moved from Scorpio (underworld, emotions) to Sagittarius (curiosity, actions).

It’s like the whole Universe is a classroom full of kids being let out the day before summer break. It’s hard to ignore that type of energy, that cosmic shift.

Astrobarry wrote about here:

…and if there’s one central theme we can confidently associate with the taskmaster-planet’s recent occupation of the archer’s-sign, it’s that our job is now to move decidedly forward, straight into the heart of the action, the adventure, the excitement, to the obvious next-destination on this journey and/or toward that which really matters to us. Life’s too short to get caught replaying details of the past…

That is what I’ve been feeling – a serious focus on forward movement. Future. Dreaming, but with plans. Ideas but with outlines. Projects that lead to goals.

But for all that energy, it doesn’t mean we know what to do with it yet:

For the time being, many of us are sort of wandering through our new year, still acclimating to the different Saturn vibe. We aren’t sure quite how quickly or dramatically to move forward, caught between eager optimism and recalcitrant fear. Even as circumstances change, our minds remain in a struggle to catch up, as suggested by Mercury’s current retrograde (continuing through Feb 11). In this unfamiliar territory, it makes sense to proceed by feel, sensitive to our surroundings, somewhat meek or tempered with the force of our actions, still assessing the astrological temperature before taking more confident ownership.

I think that’s what I meant yesterday, I’m feeling my way through right now – not pushing myself to go any faster or work any harder than I need to. And I’m OK with that.

I know from experience that for each down turn there is an upswing. Like for each winter there’s a spring. xo

 

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Piqued

Had a super productive week both at work and home because I am traveling a bunch in the next 2 weeks. By the time you read this, I’ll be in Denver visiting my friend Chelsea, where apparently it’s going to be a low of 14*. I’ve packed 3 sweaters and my puffy down “sleeping-bag” coat to keep me warm while we bike, eat, drink tea, and spend mucho quality time together.

Ah, the dark, dark nostalgia. Hey Arnold! characters all grown up.

This tweet.

And also my Twitter conversation with Yvette Nicole Brown where we chatted about the Serial podcast. She is my favorite guest on the Talking Dead (she has pages of notes about each episode).

OMG the Serial podcast. Hoping to write a longer post on this eventually, but I am loving the narrative form, the voices, the music. I don’t care so much about the who-done-it as much as the storytelling process in the series. The Slate Serial Spoiler Special is the podcast-about-the-podcast and a critical discussion about both the unfolding of the reporting and the way it’s being reported. So meta.

New moon in Sagittarius today – the questing sign.

I share Elizabeth Gilbert’s Facebook statuses (stati?) a few times a week. I love her updates, her words, her take on life.

We saw Interstellar last weekend (I liked it, was glad we saw it in the theater too) so of course I am drawn to stories about people’s experiences in space – An Astronaut Reveals What Life In Space Is Really Like.

On the last two nights of my final flight, I slept on the flight deck, my sleeping bag strapped beneath the overhead windows. The position of the shuttle put Earth in those windows, so when I woke up the whole world was out there in front of me—in that moment, just for me alone.

And cuz I’m not one to miss a list: The Top 10 Mistakes in Behaviour Change (and How to Avoid Them). My favorite is mistake #4 “Trying to Stop Old Behaviors Instead of Creating New Ones”. This def works for me. I like how he included further reading links.

And on that note – Can Absence Make The Mind Grow Fonder. I’ve found when I stop consuming something (purchasing clothes, drinking alcohol, eating Oreos, posting on Twitter etc) I don’t miss it. Yes, there’s the initial moment of going for the thing and realizing it’s not there (or I made a choice to avoid it) but then after even a few short days, it’s like, whatever. I do agree on the substitution part, which supports what I liked about mistake #4 in the above paragraph.

Have a great weekend xo

October’s Mercury Retrograde

You all  know I’ve been feeling the retrograde (and the eclipse last week). I thought I would put together a few links in case you wanted to dive a bit deeper into this month’s pause/reflect period. It’s a lot of information to take in so read what you can, take what resonates and leave the rest. xo

Notes of Updating October by astrobarry. (Note: I also love his weekly horoscopes).

October is a month for updating ourselves to the revamped reality which recently downloaded into our matrix….

Put another way, this Mercury retrograde is a chance for more discussing and processing of the past couple months’ developments… with both a modest bit of distance from the most intense in-the-moment feelings and a thoughtful reconsideration of how these developments can be best integrated into whatever personal aims we tinkered and toiled to achieve earlier in ’14. With a dignified Venus in her home sign of Libra through Oct 23, we might finally get some peace, whether in an unsettled relationship or within our conflicted selves, as a result of this retrograde reprise.

Darkstar Astrology shares these thoughts in Becoming Brilliant:

Mercury generally zips between two worlds, or rather, the two hemispheres of our brain. So during the retrograde period it feels like Mercury has gone down into the Underworld. In this realm closer to spirit we become more right-brain orientated. It is dark, so other senses are heightened. We will feel extra sensitive here, psychic even. Everything will seem hyper-real… you will notice things you had overlooked before. This will prompt you to re-evaluate, renovate, re-form, and re-invent. It’s true you might have to redo things, because Mercury will hit the same degree three times, but what this transit won’t let you do is to go into autopilot.

Cafe Astrology is always a good resource. Capturing the overall timeline below – click through to the link to read more specific timing information.

With Mercury retrograde in Scorpio and Libra: This is an excellent period for getting in touch with our instincts, motivations, and “dark” side, particularly from October 4-10. Our society generally doesn’t value emotional communication as much as more rational approaches, but now is the time to explore our more intimate and emotional natures and how these affect our decision making processes. Increased sensitivity, or emotional “radar”, is likely. We should watch that we don’t get into a paranoid frame of mind, or read too much negativity into what others say. Retrograde Mercury periods tend to send us to the past for more or previously hidden information, and while in Scorpio, this is especially the case. Retrograde Mercury in Libra, from October 10-25, is especially slow to reach a decision – possibly painfully slow, as our minds bounce back and forth between the alternatives, finding merits for any and all of them. This period may affect our close partnerships the most. We might rethink old positions and relationships, and there can be a tendency for our observations to be especially idealized. Retrograde Mercury aligns with the Sun on the 16th in the sign of Libra, bringing illumination to our thoughts. It’s a favorable time for processing recent events and ideas, and for beginning to look at problems or issues from a new perspective and with a new understanding. Significant new ideas can be birthed at this time.

How to have a happy Mercury retrograde by the Tarot Lady: “…you want to think about adding “RE” to every action: rethink, redo, renovate, replenish, reflect, relax, recycle, repeat, etc.  This little tip alone sums up the entire mindset behind proactive astrology.”

A long read The Way of Peace by Celestial Space Astrology blog.

And maybe Sorry, You Can’t Blame Everything On Mercury In Retrograde: “…ready yourself for a loving takedown: planets do not make us do anything…In our helter-skelter lives, a better reframe of the Mercury retrograde phenomenon is to feel grateful for this period as one in which we can slow down, become more present, and pay attention to where we can improve in life and business.”

Stay open, stay safe and let me know how you’re doing during this time. Hope this helps. xo

Fake First Day of Summer

The longer I live in LA, the more I fucking love June.

H finishes up school, our friends who are teachers also have summer break, the days are longer, the sun wakes me up at 5:30am through the sliding glass door, the heat feels good in my bones, and I have more energy. So much more energy.

As we biked to Venice Beach yesterday, It reminded me of June 1st 2013. And all of June 2013 last year – when I felt like I finally surfaced from the fog that was the first half of the year, and started enjoying my life.

And I realize now as I write this that the act of taking these photos, of noticing my life, gives value to where I’m at, allowing myself to do what I want with these precious minutes I’m given each day. And it brings creative fulfillment, which brings me deep happiness with myself and my life. ~ 6.28.14

And this year, Astrobarry’s horoscope for Pisces:

Your monthly fresh-start provided by Wednesday’s new moon is even more of an internal one than usual, Pisces… meaning that I strongly encourage you to take a few moments mid-week to consciously reset your emotional barometer, silently identifying and tapping into the overall attitudinal sense you’d most like to feel throughout the lunar-cycle ahead, and then imprinting that intention onto your inner self-regulating process. With both Venus and Mercury moving into more explicitly extroverted zones of your solar-chart during the week ahead, you can expect your attentions to become more immediately impacted by the social goings-on, who you’re hanging with and what’s up with them—and, if you haven’t taken the advice I’m offering above, you could easily find yourself carried away on a wave of pleasant-enough chit-chat… which could inspire you to totally forget the very considerations that are most personally important for you to hold close to your heart, as part of your individual process at this time…”

That’s what is feels like – resetting my emotional barometer. How perfect is that? And that’s exactly how it feels – an emotional reboot. Yes.

So welcome, June – it’s so good to see you again.

Friday, again

I’ve been absent here. I do miss it, but life ebbs and flows, and there’s only so much time I can spend typing on a laptop.

Still doing much better than last year with the whole back-to-school transition. Spent today co-working with a friend. Want to do that more often. It really helps the loneliness to, y’know, not actually be alone.

And because this was a 4-day work week, we’re back to the weekend again. We’ve begun watching Homeland (which is awesome) and still running the a/c with this SoCal heatwave. Thumbs down. I started another online class (I know, I know) and I really want to post some new stories here and dig deeper into those classes in the next two days.

Even though I was down Tuesday and Wednesday (blame the dark-of-the-moon cycle, especially with it being in Virgo), I am proud of myself for taking charge of my happiness, doing what I needed to do to make the days work.

Hope you’re off to a grand weekend as well, even if you don’t have any plans xo

Hello Summer 2013

Today is the longest day of the year. Happy Summer!

The Sun moves from the fun-loving social, sign of Gemini into the home-loving, nurturing sign of Cancer. Being that this always feels like my luckiest and happiest time of the year, I am welcoming the transition with open arms.

Kicked off Summer 2013 a little early with my parents in town this past weekend and a trip down to Newport Beach. My brother lives 4 blocks from the beach (and you thought I was spoiled.) We visited him, laying on the hot sand, dipping toes in the ocean and enjoying the sun.

Our visitors and work has kept me from here for a bit, but I’m working on a plan to be here a lot more often. Hope you’re all well. xo

 

 

Go Slowly

Like I mentioned before, the sun cycles seem to have an affect on me. Recently, I am sleeping amazingly well, but I do not feel any energy buzz. Things are slow going, like the methodical and earthy Taurus moon. A routine doesn’t exist. And so, I take each day as it comes whether they’re bad, fun or downright shit. I’m giving myself time and kindness. And I’m taking pictures of snails, collecting feathers, talking to people on the phone, trying to have work days with no meetings and catching up on Project Life. I exercise when I feel like it and or I don’t bother.

And somehow, things keep moving along, just like this little guy above. Slow and steady wins the race.

**Fun to note here that this is my 401st post!! I’ve been writing for 3 years this month. If that isn’t a great example of slow & steady, I don’t know what is. Perfect timing 🙂

 

Creative Play

This week’s been full of meetings, discussions, talking, listening, spacing out, feeling overwhelmed and skipping out on To Dos. And yet, it seems this week is just the right turn of the dial to click me back into place. All of those events, traveling, people – ugh. March 18th through April 20th was high energy, it was productive, driven, busy.

Notice how it aligned right with Sun in Aries. And as the Sun shifted to Taurus, so did my energy.

I can feel my energy settling (almost too much – exercise is way down and feeling a bit heavy is up). I am sleeping well but a tad too much. I am skirting responsibilities, indulging in art, craving whole foods and wanting to slow down. My brain feels sans of thoughts, and then, a burst of information will come pouring through.

When feeling particularly blah this week, I pulled out Danielle Laporte‘s Fire Starter Sessions and took notes with colored markers. Inspiring and relaxing – and totally indulgent. This may seem like such a whatever activity, but for me to shut off the computer, leave the laundry in a pile and focus, man – good things can happen.

I spent most of the week either wasting time on other people’s schedules or trying to un-knot a problem. I’m confident the knot is unraveled (for now). I processed 90 emails, did two loads of laundry and gave the dog a bath. Also started a class (Clean & Simple– which I’m super excited about), went to trivia night and basically enjoyed the quiet of having my apartment to myself. Just letting things go along, indulging in some creative play and chillin’.

Looking forward to a relaxing weekend with friends xo.

Happy Birthday To Me

Another year gone by. Another ache to create. Another transition from the depths to the light.

I am not buzzing with words this evening. I wrote this morning, ran my 3 miles with the dog, and worked most of the day. My one meeting was odd, random phone calls came in, I keep pushing through work tasks but nothing seems to get done. Arrived home to dinner cooked by my sister, who also baked me a caramel cake, and a bottle of wine from my husband.

I’m now running 4 loads of laundry.

This is life – and while I panic that I am not doing enough of whatever is it I’m supposed to be doing, all is well. About 25 texts messages came in from people wishing me a happy day, my mom created a slideshow for me (very This Is Your Life), and a crazy amount of Facebook posts came on – I am loved.

And I have to say – after the funk I’ve been in for weeks – it’s nice to know people care. Really leaning on the community support.

It’s good to note this from Cafe Astrology for If Today If Your Birthday

2013 is a Number Two year for you. Ruled by the Moon. This is a year of potential companionship. It is a quiet, gentle, and mostly harmonious year that is less active than other years. Instead, you are more responsive to the needs of others. If you are patient and open yourself up in a gentle manner, you will attract both things and people. This is an excellent year in which to build and develop for the future. Advice – be patient, be receptive, enjoy the peace, collect.

Sounds about right. Fits right in with my 2013 One Little Word word – Becoming.  My mom ordered me a OLW necklace from Liz Lamoreux (my word for 2012 will be hammered into it – “trust” – and I bought myself a feather necklace from the same shop. I have a stylist coming on Saturday to rip through my closet. Tomorrow should be an easy work day.

Happy birthday to me… xo

 

Encouraging

Managed to get up early, write and go out for a run with the dog. He was sick all last week and I only got 3 runs in, the last being a sluggish waste of energy. Back on the horse, and all that. I listened to a Radiolab podcast about Bliss. And let me say – with those stories in my ears and my legs pounding the pavement and my lungs sucking in cold air and my dog trotting beside me, I finally felt better.

But it was fleeting. By the time I was home and dealing with the next item of my morning, my frustrations overtook me. And while I wasn’t awesomely happy today, I wasn’t horribly upset like I’d been last week.

So that’s encouraging.

I spent the day at the office, dealing with emails and other tasks that’ve piled up. I did what I could with the moon void of course. I took frequent breaks to read or jot a few notes down in my journal. And I worked with a timer to create some flow. It worked, though I’ve had a caffeine withdrawals headache all day.

Tomorrow is all about meetings and talking. We’ll see how that goes.

It’s kind of incredible to think that this is my one precious life and I can’t seem to get my brain to lay off the meanness. Can’t gather up some self-love and enjoy the sunshine. But this has its place. I have hope it won’t last much longer.

Thinking about feeling like this for no pinpoint-able reason. That is feels a bit like grief. And I wondered to myself if, as this last sign of my birth chart closes out, if that’s what I experience each year in the depths of February – the shortest, yet the darkest month. Some kind of death, and then rebirth.

One can hope.

For the rest of the night it’s a snack, spending time with H who got home early from grad school, and sleep. Sleep is what I’m craving these days.