Allowing Myself

…to feel, to love, to be.

Tag: boots

#30daysofdresses – day 27

(Written Monday 10/27/14)

What happens when I have a mocha for Sunday brunch (first latte is weeks), plus watch Walking Dead before bed and then our fire alarm goes off at 4:45am on a Monday morning??

Ssstrrrreeeeesssssss.

But hey, look, the moon is void all day today, work is lame, and I have new boots. Paired with this cute dress my mom picked up for me at Christmas 2014. Because when I wear black it’s actually black and white in a cute pattern. See also day 15.

Yes – I went out with Jessica on Saturday for one last shopping trip before we do.not.hang.out.in.this.capacity again for at least 6 months. On the list: black boots and a jean vest.

Due to some awesome sales, I also picked up burgundy boots from Clarks and black jeans from American Eagle. And braved this huge mall at 1pm on a Saturday. Twas a good thing I spent the previous 24 hours alone in my apartment so I had the energy reserves for that chaos.

People are nuts.

I wanted black boots, but each time I see black boots I think they’re cute and then wish they were brown. Or tan, camel, navy, burgundy or sand colored. Anything but black. It felt like the smart thing to do was to purchase maroon boots — these would go with all of my navy colored clothes and be interesting enough that I could justify spending the money on them. See, style people, I’m learning.

But today, as I write this, I’m wearing the black ones. The fringe detail and the fact that they’re a different matte black is what gets me. So cute. Also, buy one get 25% off at Clarks this weekend AND I had $100 gift card from Christmas (thanks Mom!).

Yes, I hoard gift cards.

Did I mention I buy expensive, well made shoes and then wear them for 8-10 years?? #justifyingthecost

American Eagle was also having an amazing sale of buy one get a second item 50% off. When I put the cute jean vest on the counter, the cashier said, “If you grab any other item under $50 and not on clearance, it’ll be 50% off.”

“Fifty?” I repeated.

“Fifty” she nodded her head.

“I can do that,” I said, and took off looking for something I needed. Maroon boots? Check. Hoodie? Check. Cute dress with little flower print? Check and check.

But what do I love at AE if not their jeans… and after Jess asked if I owned a black pair of jeans (I did not), it was as simple as pulling my size and trying them on quickly in a dressing room.

(Also, their stores do not have mirrors anymore expect in the dressing rooms, where the mirrors are 11feet tall and 4feet wide. WTF?)

That’s it for my shopping on a Saturday story. If you’re about over this challenge just like I am, watch this video of Shoshana, the character on Girls who makes me laugh out loud every episode, and then re-read this post as if it’s her voice saying it. Today marks T-3 dresses weeeeeee!

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#30daysofdresses – day 26

In where I repeat a dress…

It was bound to happen. I do have over 30 dresses, so my original intentions were good, but man oh man, if this isn’t difficult. Or at least annoying.

I’m realizing that this project would’ve suited me better if I had shared an outfit every day for a month – using it as a jumping off point for my own creativity. Like Sherry at Simply Celebrate, who dresses in the most unique and fun ways, I want my clothes to reflect me and how I feel.

Should’ve started with the feeling of each day and share why the clothes I picked served that purpose.

Instead, I decided to start with the challenge of wearing (almost) all of my dresses and I was pretty excited at the start. Now, I’m pretty excited for this challenge to be over. Haha.

So this outfit felt more creative / liberating since I picked it today based on how I was feeling. It’s one of my newest dresses, I love it so much, and I decided to wear it totally different from day 10.

Boots, jacket, feathery earrings = Total warrior princess.—Dress and jacket are Forever21. Boots are Clarks. Earrings are Kohls.

#30daysofdresses – day 23

This is one of those outfits I love – dress makes me feel all profesh, boots make me feel like a bad-ass. Perfect combo for a full day of work and meetings.

Wish I’d taken a more flattering photo of the whole outfit.

I’m trying to grow my hair out again. I miss it long and I would prefer it to be much closer to my shoulders than it is. :sigh: I’ve just felt pretty whatever about my haircut since July. We’ll see where it goes from here.

Oh, and the dress has pockets. #win

Dress from Ann Taylor LOFT forever ago. Boots are Clarks.

#30daysofdresses – day 17

While the day before was long and tiring, this day was calm.

And it.is.so.nice to have some quiet and calm.

This dress is from Kohl’s with a bird print. I love it. Another dress I knew when I tried it on at the store that it needed a belt, and the little yellow belt shows up again.

The boots are from Clarks and yay for it not being super hot again so I could wear them. They first appeared on day 2. Double yay for being more than 1/2 way done with this challenge. #boom

#30daysofdresses – day 9

The little yellow belt is back…so are the boots. Clearly the best $17 I’ve ever spent at Kohl’s.

This dress is my straight forward style – comfy, navy, and an interesting neck and hemline.

That’s it really.

If you’ve been following along, I haven’t been doing so well. As I write this, I’m feeling better, but the start of the week was rough.

But how to explain it to you?

I wake up rested, even happy, to be laying in bed in the dark – the cool desert air coming in, the cloud cover of the westside hiding the sun, and then some thought hits me, and anxiety. Can’t even tell you what the thought is.

Or I feel fine, and decide to vacuum (Carter’s fleas may be the death of me). And as I’m vacuuming, the drone of the motor, the rhythmic back-and-forth, the dog circling me unsure, I start to feel pissed that the carpet sweeper is broken, that I have to vacuum before work, and my mind races through all of these injustices and bam, I’m crying instead of cleaning.

If I could explain it, maybe I could fix it.

But I’m also learning that there’s nothing to fix because I’m not broken.

It just is.

If this dress is straight-forward me, then turning to books is my typical approach to feeling insane. The day I wore this dress I started reading Daring Greatly by Brene Brown. My friend Steve calls her one of my saints. That evening I watched part one of Elizabeth Gilbert on Oprah’s Super Soul Sunday. Another of my saints. I watched videos of Pema Chodron on Youtube. These women hold up a light when I’m in this deep darkness. Anything to know that I’m not alone.

And I gathered three things:

1. “Vulnerability is not weakness, and the uncertainty, risk and emotional exposure we face every day are not optional. Our only choice is a questions of engagement.” ~Brene Brown

2. Elizabeth Gilbert saying that we have three different voices in our head. The child, throwing a tantrum because they’re exhausted. The older sister, who we think is the voice of our highest self, saying things like “why do you keep doing this to yourself?!” but, Gilbert said, if there’s any of this ::wagging her finger::, that is not your highest self. There is no judgement from your higher self. And the actual higher self she seeks to listen to, which is full of love, grace and support. The voice that says “I love you” and that’s it.

3. Pema Chodron saying that even she experiences times of meditation where she feels like her mind is crazy and the thoughts do not stop. But even if the experience of meditation that day isn’t great, it’s the post-meditation feeling that matters. That her meditation practice “opens more room in (her) mind”.

I wish I had better answers for myself so I could pass them on to you, but all I can do is read, jot down my notes, let the crying come when it does, and be gentle with myself.

 

#30daysofdresses – day 2

I mentioned yesterday that today’s dress was a bit more out of my comfort zone, but is still hitting on so many of my favorite things – navy, golden brown, and stripes – not to mention it feels like pajamas.

I know, I’m so classy.

Jess gets credit for this one. She pulled it for me in a size that was slightly too large (too long, droopy in the neck line) and we thought maybe they didn’t have my size in stock. But then Jess found it in another spot and – perfecto!

What I love about this dress is that it feels really sexy because it’s tight, but it’s not so clingy that I feel uncomfortable (again, pajamas) or that I’m revealing too much. The stripes and side panels distract from any one spot and it’s just short enough to be perfect for my height.

This dress made me feel all autumn, put-together and classy in a New England kind of way. Plus, it’s the first time this season I got to break out my favorite boots. Hopefully the weather won’t warm up too much and you’ll be seeing more of them in the next few weeks.

Dress is from H&M. Boots are Clarks from 3+ years ago.