Allowing Myself

…to feel, to love, to be.

Tag: busyness

Flew to Boston yesterday. Flight was on time, middle seat was open, window view was spectacular, headphone jack and TV channels worked. Watched Guardians Of The Galaxy for free. Drank tons of water and my lips are still completely chapped. Headache once I was back down on Earth, but the flight was as good as it could be.

Working this week Tuesday-Thursday in Boston – packed schedule.

Went from a back-country overnight camping trip in Joshua Tree, to being up in the clouds, to urban busyness.

Life is so odd sometimes.

I want to share our Halloween with you, the JTree trip and seeing Jimmy Eat World again – but the weekend was so packed, I didn’t get much sleep. And being on a 3-hours-ahead time zone can really wreck a person… so I’ll check in and tell those stories to you soon.

In the meantime, I love listening to Joni Mitchell’s album Blue when I’m flying.

“Sometimes I think love is just mythical”

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Flow: Month Four

April was a lot like March, if March was on speed.

The craziness that was the second half of March took over ALL of April.

Traveled to Boston, where I spent a night with my parents, went climbing outdoors for the first time, worked three 12-hour days, had an all-night happier with friends, took the 7am EST flight back (at this point, I was on no time zone what-so-ever), returned to LA to find the entire downstairs of the apartment in upheaval, as H decided he was going to finally change out the floors, with his entire family landing at LAX the next afternoon. Then on to them visiting us for 12 days – including going to Six Flags, Universal Studios, and doing a crazy hike in hot weather – and then packing up and going to Stagecoach country music festival for 4 days.

Whew.

In each circumstance, with each day, came a new reason to go with the flow.

Traveling for work is nothing if it’s not just showing up and doing my best.

Coming home with the expectation that H and I would relax before his family arrived, only to have the apartment in upheaval for the next two weeks, gave me the opportunity to repeat “it’ll get done…and we’ll finally have new floors”.

Staring at a massive pile of stuff in our office while said floors were replaced let me cut myself a break and know that, when I had the energy, I would put it all back together again.

Being whipped around time zones, with no routine, lots of restaurant food and family in town made me listen to my body more. Was I thirsty? Grab a glass of water. Was I tired? Let’s take a nap. Did I need to burn off some energy? How about a run.

Attending a music festival with 60k people and camping off-site meant the control-freak in me could only do so much. I really just had to see what came up next and go with it. With sixty-thousand other people. Haha.

Getting not one, but TWO, flat tires on the drive to the festival gave me the chance to ask for help, hang with my sister (where she took the awesome picture  of me above) and really trust that things would work out.

And y’know what? They did. They do. Over and over again. Things work out, timing makes sense, people stop by, strangers speak up and things I thought were imperative end up being kind of… whatever.

I already wrote this here, but my therapist said it best “Justine. You’re doing really well. You’re just rolling with the punches”.

Crazy thing is, I don’t feel like I’m rolling with the punches – I hardly feel like I’m being punched anymore. Nothing seems that dire right now (and of course, I’m lucky/grateful that’s the case). But it used to be that my car stereo not working could send me into a tailspin, and somehow having two flat tires was, like, nothing. We were safe, we had food and water, we called for help and we figured it out. A total pain, but relatively easy in the grand scheme of my life.

So despite how chaotic my schedule is lately, I am feeling pretty awesome. I know it won’t always be like this, and I def have days where I cry or just want to watch TV and zone out, but I am proud of myself, again, for cultivating a sense of well-being, of confidence that I can figure it out, of trust that things will work out…

For trusting and honoring flow.


Read about how my OLW ~flow~ worked for me in January, February and March. xo

Re-entry

I could go into all of the craziness that has been 6+ weeks of my life, but right now I’m throwing down the marker that I am back, here, home, loving my life. It’s such a relief, really, to be back in it after leaving it for some many days.

With that said, re-entry is hard. Finally slowing down involves a lot of metal-on-metal from the brakes, waiting for my energy to steady, feeling my mind smooth over like ripples on water.

I’ve napped almost every day this week, guzzling glasses of water, falling asleep as early as 8:30pm and not waking up until 7am. Some mornings, the catch-up for work feels impossible, like I’ll be forever back-logged, and then other days I power through 40 emails. I have energy for meetings but find afterwards my voice is hoarse and I need to lay down.

My life is so full, and I am so grateful for all of the experiences of the past 6 weeks – but it’s time now for me to slip back into the soft comfort of my life, of my living – to find my own routine again and just be.

Remnants

It’s been a busy busy busy two weeks.

Tonight is the last night of work for both H and I for a while. Of course, I fly to Boston Saturday, but at least after tonight we get to settled back into a somewhat normal schedule for the week.

Noticing that rock climbing gives purpose to things like drinking juice (above), getting enough water, making healthy food choices and strength training. It even makes ab workouts worthwhile. Climbing for smaller ladies like myself requires mucho core strength. I’m getting stronger and that’s awesome.

I spent last week at the CaseSMC and yesterday at the YouTube Space LA. I am bursting with ideas. With all of the events I’m running and attending, there doesn’t seem enough time to think though. Hoping to get some time soon to jot down everything and sketch out plans.

I love feeling like this. Energized, excited, with objectives to focus on. It seems like a waste to go spend the evening hosting an event, but that’s what’s on my schedule.

Hope your weekend is feeling lovely. Feel free to share what you’re up to in the comments. xo