Allowing Myself

…to feel, to love, to be.

Tag: countdown7712

How We Celebrated

Our one year anniversary was on 7.7.13 and we celebrated exactly as we do – in quiet, at home.

We had a four-day weekend because of the holiday. H went for the 1st anniversary sentiment of paper. He created a photobook of our wedding photos – something I had yet to do. It’s beautiful. I cried looking through it.

Our wedding was not just the happiest day because we spoke our love in front of our family and friends, but because it was proof that we are a team – that we could work together to achieve something so wonderful, to be experienced by everyone in our lives. That we could combine our intentions and talents and love and create bliss

He cooked the most delicious dinner of lemon chicken and rice. He ordered a cake like the one from our wedding – vanilla cake and frosting, with strawberry filling. We put our cake topper on it and used the Lenox cake set for good measure.

He wrote me a heart-felt card. I wrote one back.

I ordered us a map from the mad mapper on Etsy. It’ll be of our neighborhood, of this apartment, where we came together as a family, where H proposed, our hub for wedding planning, and where we adopted Carter.

And while the day wasn’t a wild celebration of hotels, vacation, wine and adventure, it was us. Quiet, private, loving and reflective of our homelife.

Just like our proposal, our wedding, our love… our one year was perfect.

And if you feel like dancing with your honey… try our wedding song:

Happy One Year

The 4th



Happy 4th of July weekend.

The 4th holds many memories for me: driving from Long Island to Philly in traffic after our engagement party. That could’ve been the year H’s grandpa passed away suddenly. Another visit to Philly had us laid out on blankets in a park, in walking distance from his other grandparents’ home, watching fireworks. One year H went back East and I stayed here at this same apartment, walking miles with a friend to see the same firework show I saw tonight. Some years we didn’t see fireworks at all, like when my cousin got married and it was pouring rain. Or last year before our wedding, when the fireworks were scheduled for a day that wasn’t the 4th.

Back in high school, we’d all go down to Pirate’s Cove and camp… dragging supplies of grills, tents, beer and food in backpacks and via little boats. Walking, we had to beat the tide or else we wouldn’t be able to get around. I remember someone had a portable grill with a griddle and was frying eggs the next morning. I don’t remember sleeping, ever. It seems like a dream now, those nights. Walking the dunes, making out with a boyfriend, peeing in bushes…

There was one 4th that I fell hard for a guy that was all wrong for me. It’s so long ago, sometimes it feels like it didn’t happen. But it did.

And yesterday was the most normal July 4th I’ve had in forever. We slept in, took the dog to the park. We went out to our favorite breakfast place and ate pancakes and french toast and sipped coffee that was mostly creamer. We cleaned up and packed up and drove to the beach. Somehow received a parking miracle and found a patch of sand. It was crowded. We met my sister and some friends, but for a while, it was just H and I. He surfed. I read a book. Friends arrived and there were drinks. We left to go back home to feed and walk the dog, shower, and then biked back. It felt so good to be flying through the streets on my cruiser. We hung out in a bar, walked a ways to the firework show, and made it just in time.

They were huge, and magical, and loud. H kissed me with excitement. At the prettiest ones, the big golden ones that seem to shimmer and wave into the darkness, I would hear a small sound come out of my mouth – an actual “ohh” or “ahh”. They are so wonderful. I wish we had them at other times in the year. Checking that off the summer manifesto list.

I love fireworks. And I love July for all of its summer loving.


Wrote this very early this morning, up with a sick pup. It’s working out though, since I’m not very tired anyways. 

This Grateful Season – Amazing Wedding Photographers

As I wrote yesterday, our wedding on 7.7.12 this year was pretty amazing. But it wouldn’t have been as awesome, or memorable, if we didn’t have spectacular wedding photographers Seba Photography.

I have no recollection of how I found them. I was excited about them because they were the only photographers to send us full details in their initial email – prices, links to slide shows, explanations of how they work. And they were ridiculously affordable – like $500-$2000 cheaper than what I was finding. And they were in NY. And they would do multiple locations for no extra charge.

But it was when I spoke to them on the phone – when I felt at ease with the conversation, felt they loved and cared about their work, made me laugh and didn’t want to hang up – that I knew I wanted to hire them.

And then I panicked they were a scam and worried for the next 6 months they weren’t real people.

But there they were, on the day of our wedding, exactly as friendly and awesome as they’d sounded on the phone and got right to work.

They made the wedding more fun. They took care of me throughout. They made our friends and family feel comfortable. They went above and beyond – true professionals. And I was so thankful that they were more amazing than I could have hoped for that they get their own day in this grateful season 🙂


For the month of November, I write each day about something I’m grateful for and call it Grateful Season. It’s my way of reviewing the amazing year I’ve had and helps me focus on blogging during the crazy holiday season uptick. Feel free to join me – just make sure you let me know!

This Grateful Season – Kick Ass Wedding Weekend

I may never get around to writing the full-on wedding post, but it can’t go without mention. I use this grateful season to recap my year and if 2012 was anything it was the year of our wedding. I know it’s a cliche, but the whole day, the entire weekend, was perfect. It proved again and again that trusting my life to unfold brings so much more goodness than I could ever imagine alone.

I have so many amazing memories – playing watermelon rugby with our friends after the rehearsal dinner of bbq, the crazy buzz of excitement during the rehearsal, rehearsing our wedding vows with our friend who officiated while my dad drove us back to the house (later he told my mom he teared up listening to us). My pre-wedding private yoga class, my mom’s face when the hair dresser put my veil on, how my friend dropped a bottle of fizzy wine and it exploded all over the kitchen (luckily I wasn’t dressed yet). Sitting in the bridal suite with my dad, the view of the reception patio from where we took our photos, seeing my friend almost cry when she said my name, laughing during our ceremony, H’s step-mom loving our second dance song, our LA friend professing his love to us and our one table of friends toasting “La-dasha!” all night.

How our friends and family were so absolutely in love with us that I was overwhelmed with emotion. And how amazing it felt to stand up in front of everyone with H, this guy I’ve grown up with for 10 years, and speak our vows to each other, and then experience one of the best parties we’ve ever been to (if I do say so myself) and celebrate all of our hard work and love that we put into that day and our relationship together.


For the month of November, I write each day about something I’m grateful for and call it Grateful Season. It’s my way of reviewing the amazing year I’ve had and helps me focus on blogging during the crazy holiday season uptick. Feel free to join me – just make sure you let me know!

First Dance

The wedding went more perfectly than I could even plan. Every single thing was perfect. We had an amazing day and are utterly exhausted. I forgot all about posting but would like to remember during our honeymoon. Just a quick shot or update here and there.

Life goes by so fast.

“You see, George, you really did have a wonderful life”

From my dad’s toast

Almost There

We’re almost there.

I have major wedding brain and my mood today was quite low, but H is amazing with his powering through To Dos. We knocked off the printing programs, favors and table pieces. I made sure to eat lots of veggies, drink tons of water and work out for a 1/2 hour. Sleep is elusive but otherwise, I’m doing well.

Confirming the photographers today I finally had my “This is really happening moment”


Clarity, Or Lack Thereof

We’re almost there. Bags are packed. To Dos are almost completed. Work is done. A few loose ends before we get on the plane and fly.

Today was better than yesterday.

H said it best: “Everyone is like, ‘oh that’s my one and only request’. Yeah, you and everyone else”

He’s right. We’re still hanging in there but things pile up quickly. I made sure to bang through email today, clearing out my in box. I went for a massage. Feel asleep during it, the bright sun disorientating as I walked back to my car.

My brain is fried. It’s hard to put a complete thought together and have it flow from my mouth coherently. I’m looking forward to TV and reading on the plane. The adventure is just starting and I feel beat up and unprepared. It’s crazy to think, “I’m getting married this week” but I am. We are. And until then, we’ve just got to keep swimming.


Got The Memo

View from my brunch with friends yesterday. Can’t wait to be on the plane to Hawaii…

Ok, I’m finally hitting my limit with all of the wedding stuff. Excitement has turned back to anxiety. I feel panicked about not pleasing people, about having to change our plans because someone is inconvenienced or my actions completely offended them.

How the hell am I supposed to know?

I can’t and I don’t. We don’t. We’re trying our best and so fucking thankful for everyone’s help that it so catches us off guard when someone is miffed by a decision we’ve made.

“Are you freakin’ out?” people keep asking me…

And I think, “Uh. No. Did I miss the memo?”

But yes. Now I am freaking out. I’m tired, we still have a lot to do, and we’re only going to add on the stress of traveling and having lots of family around us in the next (5) days. Yesterday I felt so super accomplished with how much we’ve done, how close to our budget we’ve stayed, how amazing all the pieces are failing into place. We’re kicking ass.

Today was me defeated. H said something to me and I started crying. I feel like I want to crawl into bed and just hide. My hope is that a good night’s sleep gets me back on track.

Last full day of work tomorrow. That’s something to look forward to.

Bridal Brunch / Crunch Time

Today my good friend and wedding planner, Liz, took me out to the Huntley Hotel in Santa Monica. What a dream. It was all gray and light teal, with a rooftop view of the ocean, mountains and entire stretch of coastal highway. Amazing. H and I never do fancy stuff like this, so I was super excited to enjoy the day.

And here we are: T-1 week from the wedding.

Some moments are full of excitement – for the travel, the parties, the celebration, seeing our families. Some have a hint of anxiety from unsettled tasks or mild disagreements. Mostly, I feel like we’re kicking wedding planning ass.

My mom is on the same page as me, which is a miracle. H has been a god-send. My sister and Liz are the runners on my skis, the support beams of my chaos. In other words, my sanity. Today H redid our programs to fit better on a page. I almost finished the photography questionnaire, mom and I finished the seating arrangements and we all discussed “day of” timelines.

It’s nerve-wracking to think all of this time, energy and money is going into one 8hr celebration that will be over in a week. We’re in crunch mode and I feel good. Hope this feeling continues.