Allowing Myself

…to feel, to love, to be.

Tag: future me

And just, begin

When it comes to tarot, I have no idea what I’m doing…but I decided to pull a few cards on my birthday to see what little bits of wisdom would shine.

The gist of what I could decipher was a message for me, about me.

As I say goodbye to twenty-nine, I’m moving on and forgiving myself for restlessness and lack of progress. Or I’m restless b/c of a lack of progress. Burnt-out even. That maybe I’ve been too passive which has led to stagnation.

As I say hello to 30, I’m welcoming creative projects, messages in dreams (which are vivid lately), my own trust and intuition. I’m embracing a sense of freedom – living how I want to live. This is about renewal and beginnings.

At the same time, there are warnings of lack of foresight and obstacles to long-term goals. Recommendations of breaking down plans into smaller tasks.

Looking even more forward, there is a tone of wishes fulfilled, bliss, happiness, personal integrity and completion. Balancing ideas with action. And again a note of lack of progress or planning, short-term focus, must create plans to pursue goals. A possible recommittal, focusing on the long-term more, moving beyond material satisfaction. And hey – a note to relax, lighten up and give myself space around frustrations.

To me, this little path speaks volumes – I have not been giving myself priority, and that if I want to really achieve anything for myself, outside of my day job, I’m going to have to have goals + actions, and then follow through. I see all of this in relation to my own drive to be creative, to grow my own community, to expand my reach in this world.

And then today – less than a week into being thirty – I pull The Fool. A card of potential, beginnings, and free spirits “…represents the beginning of all creativity and a desire to accomplish new goals (or to, at least, start the process of working towards those goals). The Fool indicates that anything can happen and the opportunities are just waiting to be taken advantage of.”

Which feels about right as I just want to sit with a cup of tea and a notebook and jot down all of the ideas swirling in my head. To really have goals but also a road map. To get the ball rolling, as they say. To acknowledge I am just starting out, but to actually, also, begin.

Ebb and Flow

If there is an ebb & flow to life, today is an ebb…

That’s what I wrote as a caption to the above on Instagram today. Like I mentioned yesterday, I am experiencing event hangover and PMS. Frustrations with not feeling more awesome, sooner.

I am proud to say that I talked myself through it and here’s what helped (for future-me reference):

  • seeing my therapist – celebrating my work life (more below)
  • going for a fun RUN (Freudian slip? It wasn’t that fun hah)
  • having lunch with someone and good conversation
  • getting something accomplished for work
  • allowing myself to cancel another meeting (personal)
  • ordering pizza and staying in tonight

I also realized today that, until I was going over all the craziness of last week with my therapist, I didn’t take time to talk the whole experience through and really celebrate what I’d accomplished. So I’m keeping that in mind the next few days.

I want to revel in what I did while I also get some rest. Y’know – ebb and flow.