Allowing Myself

…to feel, to love, to be.

Tag: inspiration

Just A Day, Like Any Other



It’s a hot one.

Up early to cook H bacon and eggs for breakfast. Just had an urge. Cleaned the kitchen, washed dishes, vacuumed the apartment upstairs and down. This was a good thing, since I didn’t have energy to clean last week.

By 7am it was *hot*. Walked Carter, he was panting. Listened to a podcast. Chatted with friends via GChat, read emails, started a data-entry project.

Kicked data entry project’s ass, though I’m still not done. Elbow hurts from all the clicking. Launched emails for another project. Threw away sticky notes with To Dos listed on them – satisfyingly crumpling them.

Ate leftovers and hung out with H, who was home early with his grad school finals. Received some news via text, but nothing we can move forward with. Watched an episode of MadMen. Didn’t write my morning pages. Took a how shower and then finished it with cooler water. Suggested Yogurtland and then decided against it.

Lit a candle and wrote this.

And that’s how my Monday went. Some of the finer details…

The cool, clean air on a quick walk this morning with Carter, before the sun was up. The cobwebs in the drop ceiling near our bathroom hallway. The many glasses of water with ice cubes I drank today. How Carter needs a bath but I just gave him his flea meds, which created a greasy mohawk of fur between his shoulder blades.

I watched Austin Kleon and read this by Amy Oscar and watched this about the overview effect. How lucky I am that I can do mindless “work” and then take breaks absorbing inspiring information about the world around me. How Austin’s “show your work” is supported by Amy sharing her experiences as she learns from them to the idea that we’re all in this together… the cognitive shift that occurs from seeing the Earth from space.

And how much I want my days to be the smallest moments of watching a monarch butterfly cross our path on a walk, and yet, spending so much of my time doing my job is depressing. So when I say, there’s got to be more than this, that is what I mean.

I want more butterflies, more early wake-ups to cook H breakfast, more writing… and much less data entry.

One can dream, no? xo


Teeny Tiny Gardens

OMG I want to do this right now. This being CONTAINER GARDENING – growing things has been on my mind a bit recently. And I just love things that break the rules. Don’t have enough space for a garden? Just make the container smaller.

Like, really small.

From Life On The Balcony blog

Also note this ridiculousness: A tiny planter for my bike?! An even tinier planter for my NECK?!

But really, I’ve toyed with the idea of growing tomatoes – just tomatoes – because if I could grow them I would have fresh deliciousness at hand and I would save at least $8 per month. But when I start contemplating tomatoes, broccoli, zucchini, lettuce come out to play. My imagination spins planters upon planters of vegetables, an entire wall of succulents and maybe a fruit tree for good measure. Preferably oranges. Sweet ones.

Haven’t taken the plunge though. First of all, I don’t know where to start. And secondly, I’ve killed all four plants we’ve had in the past 2 years. I can name them for you — there was the Benjamin Ficus, the succulent (this one wasn’t my fault – the wind knocked it over and split it in two), the general, hardy flowering plant and the basil plant. Yes. I am interested in growing a full on farm on my balcony and I couldn’t be trusted with a basil plant. Thirdly, our balcony is small and full of LA dust and it seems the little hothouse window above my kitchen sink made for growing things does nothing but fry them indefinitely. I’ve been at a loss.

Cue “Life On The Balcony“, a blog about container gardening. It came to me from Anthology Magazine which the wonderful Susannah Conway linked to in her Something For The Weekend post April 6th. Ah, the internet 🙂

So one of three problems (#1 above) is pretty much solved by the awesomeness of the web. Problems 2 & 3, I’m hoping, will come in due time as I read said blog and then move on to actually picking up a trowel. But let’s not get ahead of our sprouts… I mean selves. Happy Monday!

Friday Inspiration – Shell Poem

Continuing on with my Brooke Schmidt obsession, this is just perfectly magical. If I wasn’t on a self-imposed budget cut this week, and I didn’t need a new pair of $100+ running shoes, I would promptly go order this right now.

Can you add stuff like this to a registry, because this is something I feel like I need...

::Find it here::

Friday Inspiration – Polaroid Music Mash-Up

Kathleen Edwards’ record came to me about 6 weeks ago. The song “Change The Sheets” ran on repeat for a few days. January / February was not a good time for me. I should’ve blogged through it, but I didn’t. (Kicking myself for that now – the realizations were life-changing).

It was a low I hadn’t felt in almost two years, the worst part being the downward spiral of panic about panic or worrying about worrying, where the voice of logic in your own head isn’t logical anymore – it’s just that scared / depressed part feeding you more crap. Can’t talk yourself out of it. Gotta feel it.

In this same delicate time, I discovered Brooke Schmidt’s blog. Heartbreakingly simple. It felt like a line-in of “It’s OK” repeated quietly over and over again.

And then I put the two together.

Consider this a blanket, a salve, a visual and audio life raft to keeping you afloat. At least, it did for me.

Maybe make a cup of tea or heat up a heat pack or climb into bed with bare feet and scented lotion.

Go to Brooke Schmidt’s Flickr page – I’m linking to her “polaroids” set, but any set will do. Then, follow this link for “Voyageur” by Kathleen Edwards. Play the music. Open the Flickr set you like and click the “Slideshow” bottom at the top right.

Sit back, be still, and let these beauties articulate what you can not. Forget the panic, the words, the explaining. Just be.