Allowing Myself

…to feel, to love, to be.

Tag: list

Five Year Plan

“How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives.” ~Annie Dillard

I believe that small, daily habits build our lives, so of course I love the idea of this 5 year, one-line-per-day journal. Since I received this little book as a Christmas gift (thanks E!) I started January 1st 2015.

Each night, I write a little bit about the day. So far, I’ve missed an evening or two (usually b/c I’m tired and turn off the light before I remember) but it’s simple enough to fill it in the next morning. It has 5 entries per page, with each page being one day of the year. You fill in the year and a little blurb about your day.

I’m only 6 weeks into it, so there’s no spectacular a-ha moment. The nightly reflection is nice, but the real reward will be over the next few years, as I revisit my previous entry for each date. So much can happen in 5 years…

Since 2010:
– this blog was started
– we adopted Carter Cash
– we got engaged (and then married)
– we went on our epic Grand Canyon trip (and had yet to visit Hawaii or Alaska)
– my job was different and has only gotten better
– my siblings didn’t live near me in CA
– my relationship with my parents was not so good
– I attended my first retreat, and took many an online class
– a few of my really good girlfriends still lived here
– I started therapy
– I was just beginning to experiment with photography again
– I’d never had a life coach
rock climbing was not a thing
– I was still in my 20s
– I didn’t know how to take care of myself. I certainly hustled for my worthiness.
– I hadn’t read Harry Potter yet.

So yeah, a lot can happen in 5 years. Looking forward to having this small, memory-keeping habit capture and reflect on my days and our lives.

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#30daysofdresses – day 30

A little late, but better than never.

Wore this cuteness on my work trip in Boston last week. And that about wraps up #30daysofdresses.

You can see all 30 days here.

It was an interesting way to blog a month. I learned a few things:

1. I choose outfits based on my feelings – either how I am feeling or how I want to feel that day. Having a pre-determined outfit that I have to wear never makes me feel good.

2. Wearing dresses is fun when it’s a choice. So glad I was born in the 1980s and not the 1680s.

3. My personal style hasn’t evolved so much in the last 2 years, as I’ve gained clarity about why I wear the clothes I wear.

4. 30 day challenges are not for me. 2 weeks, tops.

5. Blogging every day is fun and this challenge made me think about having an editorial calendar again… we’ll see.

6. I am not cut out to be a life-style blogger.

Recently (September 2014)

finishing my Alaska travel journal & organizing 500+ photos from the trip

rolling with the projects I’d like to work on for myself

going to the office a lot more now that I have a temp to help with things

becoming more fit with HIIT

watching The Leftovers

reading The Giver (first time since I was 12…? Was first published 20 years ago. Undecided if I want to read the other 3 books in the series)

remembering the importance of this date

quitting complaining about work. #notworthit

thinking about growing my hair a little longer

celebrating the fact that we have ~6 weekends in a row with no major plans

loving the new perspective I have post-Alaska

eating a lot more salads, and less food in general

dreaming of owning my own business

wearing dresses and gym clothes – the heat is getting to me

missing Autumn like woah – sweaters, darker days, crisp air and changing seasons

listening to a bunch of Paperclipping Roundtable episodes in a row (loved ep 216), Elise’s podcast & random Spotify playlists

planning our finances, sort of

working on embracing my inner hippy – full moon, tarot cards & spirit animals

trying to spend less money

wishing for clothing in mustard yellow & peacock teal… and cooler temperatures

feeling a bit more self-assured

obsessed with battling the flea problem – they must die!

Piqued

I spend a lot of time online – reading and absorbing. And I’ve seen how other bloggers post link round-ups, but I hesitate to do the same b/c I don’t want to create more entry points to the black hole of the internet. So I’ve decided to have a (hopefully) weekly post where I collect things that have caught my eye, sharing them with you, but mostly throwing down a snapshot of my brain in web-links.

Oh, and it will (hopefully) include a weekly photo of Carter Cash b/c…
Carter Cash.

Last night, we sat in OVER AN HOUR of traffic at MIDNIGHT because the 405 was CLOSED. Happy Mercury retrograde!!!

Abide With Me and Staying Near, by Lindsey Mead (and the quote below) made me feel and think, but I’m finding Lindsey’s writing often does that to me:

Just being – ourselves, with someone else, aware – is no small feat for most of us. Being present to someone else with our conscious self. Bearing witness to someone else without judgment. Listening to someone else without agenda. This is a true gift.

Medium: started by the founder of Twitter & Blogger, Ev Williams, a new platform for longer stories. I’ve been thinking about longer stories and how I want my blog to hold space for that kind of writing. Will share if I actually sign up & post on Medium.

As the art critic Harold Rosenberg once wrote: “Being loved is a kind of fame.”
And, in America, we seem to see anonymity as being the polar opposite of what we all believe we value most: authenticity.
Authenticity is this God-term that encapsulates what we as Americans find sacred and it is the heart our culture of romantic individuality.
I’ll define authenticity as that which what we feel is most real, true and original about ourselves.
And authenticity has this interesting correlation with fame.
As in: the more I’m seen and known, the more famous I am, the more authentic I am.
Despite the fact that fame, as we all know, is in its essence a kind of persona or mask and also a kind of un-reality.

(Above quote) Speaking of longer stories, my friend Steve, who is the person who suggested that I should try therapy b/c I would probably enjoy it – is blogging! We have these epic 3-hour-long lunches where we talk & discuss & delve deeper than regular conversations, and reading his blog gives me that same feeling, and though it doesn’t replace our convos, it’s a good bridge till the next time.

I met Jen Lee and watched her film, Indie Kindred, when she toured last year. I felt so special Jen took time to chat with me one on one – it was like she was there just to see me. She’s one of my creative heroes and I’m happy to share Indie Kindred was released in streaming form online this past week – and also, I’m included in the trailer. Weeeeeeee!

I have to admit, when I heard Elise was launching a podcast, Elise Gets Crafty, I felt jelz. Like, really. I want a podcast haha. But I’m only 6 episodes in, and I have to say, where it lacks in polish, it more than makes up for it in awesome information & discussions. It’s a testament to having an idea, launching, and figuring it out as you go – which is more than most people can say. Episode 3 is my fav so far.

West Coast – Lana Del Rey. This song is officially my summer jam. I don’t know many songs that make me want to dance and make out.

Down on the West Coast, they got their icons
Their silver starlets, their Queens of Saigon
And you’ve got the music, you’ve got the music
In you, don’t you?

Down on the West Coast, they love their movies
Their golden gods and rock and roll groupies
And you’ve got the music, you’ve got the music
In you, don’t you?

 

Annnnddddddd a few of my favorite link round-ups:
Something Good, by Jill Salahub
Five on Friday, by Kelly Purkey
Web Time Wasters, by Yes and Yes

 

Quick Re-Focus

The internet is wonderful.

I found Kristen via Instagram, I’m sure by way of Project Life or some other paper crafting topic. She has a little process where she jots down her “right now” on these adorable Currently cards.

Back to the work grind this week – it’s probably been 2 months since I’ve worked 5 days straight, mostly from the office. Yesterday, a mid-day slump hit and then I saw Kristen tweet about using a Currently card to re-focus. So I did just that.

I’d just made the little card while on the phone with my mom and it seemed like the perfect canvas for my right now.

No need to reiterate it as the picture speaks for itself, except to say that Game of Thrones? I GET IT NOW. I apologize for my delay in hopping on that wagon. We’ve watched all of season 1 in 4 days and are straight into season 2. Probably have watched 30 hours of TV in the next week and a half. Sheesh.

Happy Thursday xo

5 Things About Mom

My sister, Mom and me at my engagement party, 2011.

– Some of her favorite snacks are pretzels, pistachios or a peanut-butter sandwich, all with a tall glass of milk. Also, she loves tomatoes. As I’ve aged, I’ve inherited all of these cravings except for the pistachios. Extra fun fact, I’m pretty sure she made it to 48 years old before she ate a purple grape. London broil + noodles + asparagus is my favorite dinner she cooks.

– By the time she was my age, she had 3 kids under the age of 6, owned two houses, managed my dad’s practice and been married almost 10 years. I’m not sure how she did it all. And still does.

– Because of her short hair cut, which she hasn’t grown out in my entire life, sometimes people mistake her for Jamie Lee Curtis. My dad likes to say “It’s Jamie LEE!” when we’re out in LA just to confuse the tourists.

– Her father played guitar in country bands and sang. She also played some and sang. I don’t think I’ve ever heard her sing.

– It’s been 2 years since our last fight (hopefully the last one of our lives), and for that, I am forever grateful. (Pssst you can read last year’s Mother’s Day note here. )

Love you, Mom xo

 

 

 

Recently

finishing the crazy new floors project (blog post coming soon)

rolling with the punches, with my energy, with whatever comes up

going to the dog park and getting coffee on Saturday mornings with H

storing most all of my 17+ years of journals to make room for open space (and, hopefully, plants)

becoming a morning person again, with the sun blazing in at 6am

watching Sherlock and Drunk History

reading Island Beneath The Sea which I am enjoying even though it’s not superbly written

quitting How To Be Good by Nick Hornby – it just made me frustrated and cranky

smelling the deliciousness that is SoCal spring, especially at night. jasmine and honeysuckle blooming, cut grass, BBQ and clean, dry air.

celebrating H’s 30th birthday with friends

loving going out for happy hour to watch the hockey playoffs (see you next season Flyers)

eating out at restaurants a lot, and hoping to get back into home cooking soon

enjoying having a/c in my car again after years of it not working (and just in time for this heat wave, SoCal)

wearing jean shorts I made out of cutting the legs off an old pair of jeans (fist pump)

collecting blog ideas and pictures from the past 2 months of nut-so living

listening to podcasts like Elise Gets Crafty

working on putting my own creative work first

trying to bring some sense of order to our 2nd bedroom/office. now that the downstairs in almost done, the upstairs feels like a cyclone blew through

wishing for some alone time, preferably at a secluded cabin near the ocean

feeling so fucking thankful to be home with no traveling to be had for another 5+ weeks

obsessed with Charlie Worsham‘s record Rubberband. we saw him live at Stagecoach last weekend and he was, by far, one of the best performers. can’t wait to see where his career goes.


lifted this list from Elise Blaha Cripe’s January “Currently” list

Flow: Month Three

We can sum up March as I’ve finally gotten my energy back and it’s a good thing because I am committed to a shit-ton of stuff.

I know I hardly blogged in March, but that’s OK because 3 months into 2014 and I’ve:

  • Cut back on my drinking
  • Grabbed coffee with a woman I met at the retreat 6 months ago
  • Continued running 2-5x per week, usually 2m at a time with the dog (slooooooow)
  • Started (and become obsessed) with rock climbing at an indoor gym
  • Spoke an an important meeting
  • Traveled to San Diego and Big Bear
  • Hosted 10 events for work, one of which was the most well-attended event for our office ever
  • Attended a conference and a training
  • Took care of our homelife while H took his Comps test and ran the talent show
  • Biked 10m on a hot day to see a best friend as she ran the LA marathon (go Steph!)
  • Wished my mom a happy birthday (with my siblings and the gift of an expensive purse hah)
  • Hung out with another best friend while she visited LA (hi Liz!)
  • Read two magnificent books
  • Had Conan O’Brien talk to me (thanks to a friend I made at the conference, who needed a tour around Abbott Kinney and conveniently wanted to order a hot chocolate from the Toms Shoe store right as Conan also  came in to order a coffee)

So, I’m still going with the flow. Even when I forget that flow is my word for the year – I’m working on a new level of acceptance: This is how things are – an acknowledgement of how something really is and not the half-imagined version my brain would like it to be.

Interestingly, I have no real routine – every week is different – and this will continue for April as I travel and we have family visit. Yet, I’m still functioning fine. Things are getting done, cycles are aligning with the moon, emails get answered…eventually.

I have noticed a bit of multi-tasking manic-ness creeping in. When I read Sas Petherick’s “Calling Bullshit On Multitasking” I laughed out loud. She writes: “When I feel organised, I feel more confident, more in control.”

I get that, and I agree, but I’m also aware this week how much this seems to be my season of high energy, pulling a lot of information in and (possibly soon) creating a lot of product to ship out. My energy is great, my brain feels clearer and my confidence is up. If I was swimming through rapids in January and February, March felt like I finally caught a wave.

Looking forward to riding it for the rest of April.

30 Things I Love Right Now

  1. My husband. Because at 11+ years together, being able to call him my husband is so awesome.
  2. Carter Cash. I mean, really. Nugget.
  3. My siblings living in the same state as me. Seeing my sister multiple times per week.
  4. My job. Autonomy, flexibility and made for me.
  5. Having enough income – not stressing about bills. Not wanting for anything.
  6. Living so close to the ocean. Biked there just the other day.
  7. All of the awesome people I get to call friends.
  8. My amazing coworkers.
  9. Spotify & Pandora – streaming music, especially playlists created by other people.
  10. Making juice at home – kale, ginger, lemon, apple.
  11. Binge-watching shows on Netflix. Oh Em Geeeeeeeeee House of Cards, Season 2.
  12. Coworking with friends, especially one in particular who has a hot tub (you know who you are haha).
  13. Lattes without sugar. Coffee with milk & sugar.
  14. My shorter hair cut, while still missing my long hair.
  15. Essie nail polish.
  16. Rock climbing.
  17. Choosing juice over alcohol.
  18. Wearing dresses.
  19. Navy blue, gold, teal and dark pink.
  20. Hockey.
  21. Being off birth control.
  22. Buying and reading books on my Kindle.
  23. Our apartment (location, light and layout).
  24. My relationship with my parents.
  25. Technology – taking classes online, social media connections & information, and…
  26. This blog.
  27. My practice of taking photos and sharing them. Writing and sharing. Talking and sharing.
  28. Good conversation. Not sure if I’ll ever not love good conversation.
  29. The gold and amethyst ring my grandmother let me pick out for my communion that I started wearing again on my right ring finger.
  30. Me. With 30 spins around the sun under my belt, I’m pretty fucking proud of who I am, who I’ve become and the life that I’m living.

The Big Three Oh List

I wanted to create a list of things I wanted to do in my 30th year*, without melting under the pressure. All about lowering the bar lately, but I jotted down a bunch of stuff one evening last week, and it all felt good. So, I figured I’ll go with it and see how it all ends up. I’m sure it totally helps that I’m sharing this on the Pisces new moon xo

  1. Learn to make a latte at home, or a cold brew, or something fun with delish coffee
  2. Host a story bowl
  3. Bake bread, enough that I have a fav “go to” loaf, unless I absolutely hate the process
  4. Take a trip alone. Attend a retreat.
  5. Visit friends in Chicago, visit friends in NYC, visit Denver (I’ll take any and all)
  6. Create a second income stream / Launch an e-course or e-deliverable
  7. Rock climb outdoors
  8. Hang plants in the apartment
  9. Make a photo collage on a wall in my apartment. Also, hang twinkle lights, preferably in a cute shape
  10. Get the hang of Pinterest
  11. Write a song. just one.
  12. Get a tattoo
  13. Write a letter to my parents thanking them
  14. See the LA Phil
  15. Do a juice cleanse
  16. Visit Alaska. omg
  17. Celebrate two lovely friends at their wedding
  18. Learn to give myself a manicure
  19. Create a meditation practice
  20. Get a blogging mentor or writing group or something related to this
  21. (This one is private)
  22. Create a mini-book
  23. Learn more about tarot
  24. Run a 5k. Maybe even a 10k. Or that elusive 1/2 marathon.
  25. Put myself, and creativity, first
  26. Switch to natural products
  27. Change our floors or move to a new apartment
  28. Ride a horse (a friend’s offered to take me)
  29. Visit somewhere outside of the country
  30. Go kayaking
  31. And one for good luck – Spend more time staring at the ocean – Finish Year of Ocean

*Idea credit: Kelly Purkey