Allowing Myself

…to feel, to love, to be.

Tag: Love To list

Big Three Oh List – Update

Last year, I made a Big Three Oh List. In my last week at 30, I thought we’d check in.

Spoiler alert – I only accomplished 1/2 of the list, and that’s being generous – but I still had an awesome year.

Learn to make a latte at home, or a cold brew, or something fun with delish coffee. Sort of. We didn’t buy a fancy glass pour-over or start grinding our own beans, but H and I are making coffee at home more & more. He likes vanilla powder from Coffee Bean and I’ve become obsessed with hot chocolate spiked with coffee. Not sure if I want to expand or just leave this as is.

Host a story bowl. Sadly no, but I am considering one soon.

Bake bread. Again, no. Not even once. I don’t know why this stays on my list when I never make the effort to actually do it, but my friend Jo sent me a recipe that I will get to eventually.

Take a trip alone. Attend a retreat. Technically, no, but I did start monthly Day Alone trips, and I plan to continue that ritual.

Visit friends in Chicago, visit friends in NYC, visit Denver. Well, yes, in fact, I did make it to Denver. Woot! I made it to New Hampshire, Joshua Tree (more than once), and Vegas. And I traveled to Boston 3x, which is almost too much.

Create a second income stream / Launch an e-course or e-deliverable. Not yet, but the seeds of ideas are planted. Also, I did a 30 day challenge on the blog (sort of a first) and learned I do not like 30-day challenges.

Rock climb outdoors. Yes, yes and yes. Also, yes and yes. Rock climbing, hiking and being outdoors were a large part of my 30th year. Dubbing 2014 the “year of gear” (only half joking).

Hang plants in the apartment. Gah. Why is something so simple, so difficult? I walk into Home Depot and freeze. My succulents in the window are dying. Maybe I am not meant to have plants.

Make a photo collage on a wall in my apartment. Also, hang twinkle lights, preferably in a cute shape. Nope, again. It’s seems that when I have a super cute our-apartment-NEEDS-this idea, I should execute it within 2 weeks or forget about it entirely. Otherwise, not happening. We did get new floors though downstairs, thanks to H, and they are life-changing

Get the hang of Pinterest. I’m not sure I’ll ever understand. Can’t I just stay on Instagram forever?

Write a song. just one. No, but please note that I did pick up the guitar a few times. Just a few.

Get a tattoo. Another for the “No” column, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t thought about it. A lot.

Write a letter to my parents thanking them. Working on this now.

See the LA Phil. I mean, come on, who was I when I made this list?? Great idea, but it didn’t happen. I did, however, see Jimmy Eat World 2x (Ventura and Los Angeles) and go to Stage Coach.

Do a juice cleanse. Hahahahahahaha. ::sigh:: No, but I do make juice at home a lot, and I’m much happier ordering fresh juice over alcohol when we eat out anytime.

Visit Alaska. OH EM GEE – YAAAASSSSS. It was magical, beautiful and everything I dreamed it would be, all the way back to my 2011 post about it.

Celebrate two lovely friends at their wedding. Yay! This also involved laying out underneath the night sky with friends, looking for shooting stars. Awesome weekend.

Learn to give myself a manicure. No, but I did paint my own nails a bit more. I made it to the nail salon a total of zero times. Clearly, not a priority, especially with all of that rock climbing.

Create a meditation practice. While I didn’t create & sustain a practice, I did have a few golden streaks during the year, thanks to Susannah Conway’s meditations from her Sacred Alone class. Can’t wait till she releases an album of more.

Get a blogging mentor or writing group or something related to this. Boy, do I feel like I’m failing at this left and right. No group. No mentor. Not yet, anyways.

Create a mini-book. I wrote this hoping to make one for my sister. Instead, I ordered her Sticky9 magnets from our StageCoach weekend and called it a day. I did, however, make a few scrapbook pages and I looooovvveeedddd them.

Learn more about tarot. Yes to this one. I use this deck, which is both gorgeous and scary depending on what you pull.

Run a 5k. Maybe even a 10k. Or that elusive 1/2 marathon. Nah. Lately it seems rock climbing is the end to the means of the rest of my physical activity. Running takes it’s toll on my body, but I run 2m 3-4x per week. Also, HIIT is super fun.

Put myself, and creativity, first. More and more, yes. More and more, a habit, not a goal.

Switch to natural products. Ummm… I did stop wearing anti-aspirant and bought some Burt’s Bees face lotion, which is lovely. Close enough.

Change our floors or move to a new apartment. H took care of this for me back in April mostly by himself. Again, life changing. I never did write a blog post about it. You can see them in this picture (one of my favs) though they’re blond, so yes, the floor matches the dog.

Ride a horse. Just never made plans for this. I did, however, go stand-up paddle boarding for the first time. Not the same at all, but another new, cool activity we tried out.

Visit somewhere outside of the country. No, but we have tickets booked for a trip soon!! ::insert heart-eye emoji::

Go kayaking. Yes! In Alaska, we sea kayaked and I loved every second of it.

The Big Three Oh List

I wanted to create a list of things I wanted to do in my 30th year*, without melting under the pressure. All about lowering the bar lately, but I jotted down a bunch of stuff one evening last week, and it all felt good. So, I figured I’ll go with it and see how it all ends up. I’m sure it totally helps that I’m sharing this on the Pisces new moon xo

  1. Learn to make a latte at home, or a cold brew, or something fun with delish coffee
  2. Host a story bowl
  3. Bake bread, enough that I have a fav “go to” loaf, unless I absolutely hate the process
  4. Take a trip alone. Attend a retreat.
  5. Visit friends in Chicago, visit friends in NYC, visit Denver (I’ll take any and all)
  6. Create a second income stream / Launch an e-course or e-deliverable
  7. Rock climb outdoors
  8. Hang plants in the apartment
  9. Make a photo collage on a wall in my apartment. Also, hang twinkle lights, preferably in a cute shape
  10. Get the hang of Pinterest
  11. Write a song. just one.
  12. Get a tattoo
  13. Write a letter to my parents thanking them
  14. See the LA Phil
  15. Do a juice cleanse
  16. Visit Alaska. omg
  17. Celebrate two lovely friends at their wedding
  18. Learn to give myself a manicure
  19. Create a meditation practice
  20. Get a blogging mentor or writing group or something related to this
  21. (This one is private)
  22. Create a mini-book
  23. Learn more about tarot
  24. Run a 5k. Maybe even a 10k. Or that elusive 1/2 marathon.
  25. Put myself, and creativity, first
  26. Switch to natural products
  27. Change our floors or move to a new apartment
  28. Ride a horse (a friend’s offered to take me)
  29. Visit somewhere outside of the country
  30. Go kayaking
  31. And one for good luck – Spend more time staring at the ocean – Finish Year of Ocean

*Idea credit: Kelly Purkey

Assignment: Medium-Size “Love To” List

For a super planner like me, addicted to busy-busy-busy, planning a day of absolutely nothing seems like the perfect antidote, luxurious even. If Monday is jam-packed then Tuesday is rest, creating a balance logical to most people.

Turns out, when it comes to free time, I am not most people. This approach is too overwhelming for me (hence yesterday’s mood). And yes, I see the irony is being overwhelmed by too much free time. Apsht.

A few weeks ago, I started making little lists. When the empty space of the day would start to crush my work-a-holic soul, I would jot down simple things that I enjoy and could do with my free time. They became Love To lists (I just made that up. I may change it). This was working, but again, yesterday’s mood was not overthrown. In fact, all day my mind was blank, like I was in a fight or flight panic over WHAT TO DO with my time and I couldn’t think straight enough to even name “Take a bath” or “Read a book”.

Pathetic, I know.

Of course I bring all of this to therapy. And here is where we both decide that if I’m going to to go all CT on this problem’s ass, then “doing nothing” isn’t going to work. I need some type of structure.

My little assignment, which I don’t usually receive b/c that would just feed into my issues, is to list things I enjoy doing to replace the sessions I’ll be missing as my therapist heads for maternity leave. Then, I’ll use some of the $ I’m not spending on sessions to essentially treat myself.

Aka: Me Time. And doesn’t that make the shame gremlins swirl?

It’s like a bigger version of the Love To list I mentioned above and a smaller version of a Life List (too daunting right now). Oh and you know so much crap is coming up around thinking I don’t deserve that time or that I don’t work hard enough to earn that time or that, ahem, I don’t give myself enough credit. All topics I’m sure we’ll be visiting in the near future.

I’m also seeing a connection between this medium-sized task, the pull to draw inward during this Pisces vibe and the possibility of doing the Artist’s Way during that chunk of time I’m off of therapy. All the ideas point to “Take care of yourself” and “Create“.

I’m trying – I’m blogging more, trying to listen to my body, and now I’m drawing (some of my doodles are in this post). It feels right to grow in this direction. Even my horoscope says:

Artistic activities or those involving healing are enhanced today, Pisces. Whatever you try is going to be more a part of your very being than it would be at other times. Love, art, psychic or spiritual activities – all should take on a new meaning for you at this time. This condition should last for a long time. Make the most of this energy now and your skills should continue to grow.

And my new mantra, also courtesy of my horoscope:

Change does not have to be intense and traumatic –

but it does take work.