Allowing Myself

…to feel, to love, to be.

Tag: mercury retrograde

Wandering Through the Garden

“Working on ourselves is a lot like cultivating a garden.” ~ lois wilson

My friend Steve shared the quote above on yesterday’s post where I spoke about my slow entry into this new year. The garden reference supports what I’m feeling – that the past 2 months or so were a time to rest, to let the fields lay fallow, to drawn in.

But with the new year energy (all those motivating pins on Pinterest! all those big resolution posts on Facebook!) it make sense to feel a little behind. And then one of the biggest shifts in astrological news coincided with Christmas week – Saturn moved from Scorpio (underworld, emotions) to Sagittarius (curiosity, actions).

It’s like the whole Universe is a classroom full of kids being let out the day before summer break. It’s hard to ignore that type of energy, that cosmic shift.

Astrobarry wrote about here:

…and if there’s one central theme we can confidently associate with the taskmaster-planet’s recent occupation of the archer’s-sign, it’s that our job is now to move decidedly forward, straight into the heart of the action, the adventure, the excitement, to the obvious next-destination on this journey and/or toward that which really matters to us. Life’s too short to get caught replaying details of the past…

That is what I’ve been feeling – a serious focus on forward movement. Future. Dreaming, but with plans. Ideas but with outlines. Projects that lead to goals.

But for all that energy, it doesn’t mean we know what to do with it yet:

For the time being, many of us are sort of wandering through our new year, still acclimating to the different Saturn vibe. We aren’t sure quite how quickly or dramatically to move forward, caught between eager optimism and recalcitrant fear. Even as circumstances change, our minds remain in a struggle to catch up, as suggested by Mercury’s current retrograde (continuing through Feb 11). In this unfamiliar territory, it makes sense to proceed by feel, sensitive to our surroundings, somewhat meek or tempered with the force of our actions, still assessing the astrological temperature before taking more confident ownership.

I think that’s what I meant yesterday, I’m feeling my way through right now – not pushing myself to go any faster or work any harder than I need to. And I’m OK with that.

I know from experience that for each down turn there is an upswing. Like for each winter there’s a spring. xo

 

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Just back from a weekend in Vegas and wanted to drop a quick line to say hello.

After the emotional chaos of a few weeks ago, work events and busyness (not to mention Mercury Retrograde) this week is quiet coming, and I am thankful for that.

The pic of above is from our hotel room early in the morning on Saturday. We stayed at The Paris and traveled in to celebrate my dad’s 60th birthday and my parent’s 33rd wedding anniversary. Amazing milestones, to say the least.

As someone who is embracing being a highly-sensitive person, Vegas is.so.naht.my.place. but with those milestone celebrations, I couldn’t say no. So H and I packed up the car, drove the 6hrs each way and spent the weekend eating, drinking and gambling with my family.

And while I would rather have been out in the desert, out where those clouds touched the mountains, it’s always good to have the whole family (plus our significant others now) all together at one time.

This week is quiet as far as work / social commitments go, but we’re in for another eclipse and things pick up again for me in about 10 days, so I’m going to use this week to downshift a bit. I’m still continuing the #30daysofdresses challenge. Been wearing a dress almost every single day, just going to find some time tonight to write up the posts.

If you’re looking for something cool to listen to this week, check out the Back To work podcast where David Sparks guest appears. I loved hearing him speak about executing projects, balancing all of the things he’s into and his presentations field guide (which I plan on pick up). So yeah, dig around in that if you’re looking for some inspiration.

Have a great week xo

#30daysofdresses – day 15

Finally, a normal day.

Drove to work blasting It’s Blitz by the Yeah Yeah Yeahs. Listen to Zero and rock out.

Got to work early, answered emails, attended a meeting that wasn’t a complete waste of time, finished a project, had another meeting. A full day at the office and not one instance of drama.

Gosh, it’s been a while.

Maybe it was / is Mercury Retrograde or my own sensitivity… but I finally feel better (at least, I feel good as I’m writing this).

I liked the blazer over this dress, love the length and material of this dress, and overall felt super comfy all day.

Also, I’m growing my hair out some and it’s in a weird stage where I have to bobby pin it on one side.

That is all.

October’s Mercury Retrograde

You all  know I’ve been feeling the retrograde (and the eclipse last week). I thought I would put together a few links in case you wanted to dive a bit deeper into this month’s pause/reflect period. It’s a lot of information to take in so read what you can, take what resonates and leave the rest. xo

Notes of Updating October by astrobarry. (Note: I also love his weekly horoscopes).

October is a month for updating ourselves to the revamped reality which recently downloaded into our matrix….

Put another way, this Mercury retrograde is a chance for more discussing and processing of the past couple months’ developments… with both a modest bit of distance from the most intense in-the-moment feelings and a thoughtful reconsideration of how these developments can be best integrated into whatever personal aims we tinkered and toiled to achieve earlier in ’14. With a dignified Venus in her home sign of Libra through Oct 23, we might finally get some peace, whether in an unsettled relationship or within our conflicted selves, as a result of this retrograde reprise.

Darkstar Astrology shares these thoughts in Becoming Brilliant:

Mercury generally zips between two worlds, or rather, the two hemispheres of our brain. So during the retrograde period it feels like Mercury has gone down into the Underworld. In this realm closer to spirit we become more right-brain orientated. It is dark, so other senses are heightened. We will feel extra sensitive here, psychic even. Everything will seem hyper-real… you will notice things you had overlooked before. This will prompt you to re-evaluate, renovate, re-form, and re-invent. It’s true you might have to redo things, because Mercury will hit the same degree three times, but what this transit won’t let you do is to go into autopilot.

Cafe Astrology is always a good resource. Capturing the overall timeline below – click through to the link to read more specific timing information.

With Mercury retrograde in Scorpio and Libra: This is an excellent period for getting in touch with our instincts, motivations, and “dark” side, particularly from October 4-10. Our society generally doesn’t value emotional communication as much as more rational approaches, but now is the time to explore our more intimate and emotional natures and how these affect our decision making processes. Increased sensitivity, or emotional “radar”, is likely. We should watch that we don’t get into a paranoid frame of mind, or read too much negativity into what others say. Retrograde Mercury periods tend to send us to the past for more or previously hidden information, and while in Scorpio, this is especially the case. Retrograde Mercury in Libra, from October 10-25, is especially slow to reach a decision – possibly painfully slow, as our minds bounce back and forth between the alternatives, finding merits for any and all of them. This period may affect our close partnerships the most. We might rethink old positions and relationships, and there can be a tendency for our observations to be especially idealized. Retrograde Mercury aligns with the Sun on the 16th in the sign of Libra, bringing illumination to our thoughts. It’s a favorable time for processing recent events and ideas, and for beginning to look at problems or issues from a new perspective and with a new understanding. Significant new ideas can be birthed at this time.

How to have a happy Mercury retrograde by the Tarot Lady: “…you want to think about adding “RE” to every action: rethink, redo, renovate, replenish, reflect, relax, recycle, repeat, etc.  This little tip alone sums up the entire mindset behind proactive astrology.”

A long read The Way of Peace by Celestial Space Astrology blog.

And maybe Sorry, You Can’t Blame Everything On Mercury In Retrograde: “…ready yourself for a loving takedown: planets do not make us do anything…In our helter-skelter lives, a better reframe of the Mercury retrograde phenomenon is to feel grateful for this period as one in which we can slow down, become more present, and pay attention to where we can improve in life and business.”

Stay open, stay safe and let me know how you’re doing during this time. Hope this helps. xo

Piqued

This week was rough. Some combination of exhaustion + pms + work events left me napping almost every afternoon, relying on friends, and in tears a few of the days. (Yes, even though I don’t feel like I’m being punched anymore, I still have bad days). Still, I stumbled upon some cool, share-worthy items out in the internets, and I post them below for your reading pleasure.

Happy solstice!

Each body mitten is hand-knitted by celibate Virgos using hypo-allergenic squirrel wool inter-woven with strands of unicorn hair that were marinated in lavender oil infused with emerald powder.

Hahaha. So funny.

You may know Mercury is retrograde (and if you have felt completely crazy the past 2+ weeks, this could be why). The Mercury Retrograde Body Mitten could be just the answer! This tongue-in-cheek post went viral and the author writes a response to its popularity here – Smitten By The Mitten.

I don’t watch The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon but H found the Ragtime Gals, Jimmy’s barbershop quartet segments (I know, I know. I’m always late to the barbershop quartet parties) and I about died laughing. I love that Fallon loves music and brings it into so much of his comedy. Watch him sing Talk Dirty To Me with Kevin Spacey. His show also features these epic lip-syncing battles – see Emma Stone win here.

I love the Internet, and this link is exactly why – Know Your Meme, y’know, just in case you didn’t.

There’s this literary map to end all literary maps. And a guide to Literary L.A.

Our favorite diner, Pepy’s Galley, is closing. ::hysterically crying emoji:: They’re being kicked out by new building owners who plan to renovate the attached bowling alley – but all our neighborhood sees is the loss of a 40 year old west LA landmark. The (breakfast) food is delish, it’s the best coffee I’ve ever had, the staff is speedy and it’s cash only. H and I love to eat at the bar and watch the bustle of the back counter… it’s part of our weekending, where we usually get into our longest conversation-sans-electronics in a week. While there are petitions to save or relocate the restaurant, it doesn’t look good.

I listened to The Lively Show podcast featuring Esme Wang while I walked 3m around Boston last week. I love Esme’s idea of radical sincerity, and even though I read her book, it wasn’t until I heard her speak about it on the podcast that I truly understood what she meant. Radical sincerity is NOT radical honesty, but instead “a conversation about authenticity and vulnerability”. Take a listen and/or peruse around her site – it’s gorgeous & full of elegant, powerful writing.

And, even though I am sooooooo not following the World Cup, this longer read by my Stef’s boyfriend, Carlos Foglia, delighted me. My Father is My Most Unforgettable World Cup Memory.

Visit my other Piqued posts here.

Piqued

I spend a lot of time online – reading and absorbing. And I’ve seen how other bloggers post link round-ups, but I hesitate to do the same b/c I don’t want to create more entry points to the black hole of the internet. So I’ve decided to have a (hopefully) weekly post where I collect things that have caught my eye, sharing them with you, but mostly throwing down a snapshot of my brain in web-links.

Oh, and it will (hopefully) include a weekly photo of Carter Cash b/c…
Carter Cash.

Last night, we sat in OVER AN HOUR of traffic at MIDNIGHT because the 405 was CLOSED. Happy Mercury retrograde!!!

Abide With Me and Staying Near, by Lindsey Mead (and the quote below) made me feel and think, but I’m finding Lindsey’s writing often does that to me:

Just being – ourselves, with someone else, aware – is no small feat for most of us. Being present to someone else with our conscious self. Bearing witness to someone else without judgment. Listening to someone else without agenda. This is a true gift.

Medium: started by the founder of Twitter & Blogger, Ev Williams, a new platform for longer stories. I’ve been thinking about longer stories and how I want my blog to hold space for that kind of writing. Will share if I actually sign up & post on Medium.

As the art critic Harold Rosenberg once wrote: “Being loved is a kind of fame.”
And, in America, we seem to see anonymity as being the polar opposite of what we all believe we value most: authenticity.
Authenticity is this God-term that encapsulates what we as Americans find sacred and it is the heart our culture of romantic individuality.
I’ll define authenticity as that which what we feel is most real, true and original about ourselves.
And authenticity has this interesting correlation with fame.
As in: the more I’m seen and known, the more famous I am, the more authentic I am.
Despite the fact that fame, as we all know, is in its essence a kind of persona or mask and also a kind of un-reality.

(Above quote) Speaking of longer stories, my friend Steve, who is the person who suggested that I should try therapy b/c I would probably enjoy it – is blogging! We have these epic 3-hour-long lunches where we talk & discuss & delve deeper than regular conversations, and reading his blog gives me that same feeling, and though it doesn’t replace our convos, it’s a good bridge till the next time.

I met Jen Lee and watched her film, Indie Kindred, when she toured last year. I felt so special Jen took time to chat with me one on one – it was like she was there just to see me. She’s one of my creative heroes and I’m happy to share Indie Kindred was released in streaming form online this past week – and also, I’m included in the trailer. Weeeeeeee!

I have to admit, when I heard Elise was launching a podcast, Elise Gets Crafty, I felt jelz. Like, really. I want a podcast haha. But I’m only 6 episodes in, and I have to say, where it lacks in polish, it more than makes up for it in awesome information & discussions. It’s a testament to having an idea, launching, and figuring it out as you go – which is more than most people can say. Episode 3 is my fav so far.

West Coast – Lana Del Rey. This song is officially my summer jam. I don’t know many songs that make me want to dance and make out.

Down on the West Coast, they got their icons
Their silver starlets, their Queens of Saigon
And you’ve got the music, you’ve got the music
In you, don’t you?

Down on the West Coast, they love their movies
Their golden gods and rock and roll groupies
And you’ve got the music, you’ve got the music
In you, don’t you?

 

Annnnddddddd a few of my favorite link round-ups:
Something Good, by Jill Salahub
Five on Friday, by Kelly Purkey
Web Time Wasters, by Yes and Yes

 

This Is About…

This is about a sushi dinner with the husband. After rattling off a few dinner options to make at home, he says, “Can’t we just go out and spend money?” Why yes, yes we can. Because I need that quiet, quality time with him – away from electronics,  the dog, our home which becomes distracting in its boringness.

This is about forgetting to refill my birth control prescription and the epic fail by CVS to transfer it. So, I guess I’m off the pill now…? And while this is a decision I was going to make early 2014, I didn’t plan to make it sooner. And I certainly didn’t want it made for me. #waytogoCVS

This is about being sad, more sad than I’ve felt in a long time, due to the above transition.

This is about transitions in general.

This is about missing my husband because he is so busy busy busy.

This is about having my parents visit – so good to have them physically near and also exhausting in its own way. Having everyone in my apartment makes it feel so tiny, and the chaos is beyond raucous compared to my quiet days alone.

This is about aching for (more) quiet days alone.

We visited the Getty museum. It was glorious. We only saw 1.5 exhibits and the gardens and left way too soon. I wanted to stay all afternoon.

This is about trying to decide if I want to purchase a used DSLR off a friend or wait.

This is about good old Mercury Retrograde.

I hope you’re well reading this mid-week post by me. I want to mention how grateful I am that anyone comes here for some words and hope it keeps you company in your neck of the woods.

How’s mercury retrograde going for you? What’s new? Would love to hear in the comments xo

 

 

This Grateful Season – New Project

Today a really great work opportunity moved forward with a YES from those above me.

I’m still nervous that it’ll get snagged by red tape or shut down, but I am enjoying this moment while I have it. Success. A new project. Work supporting my bigger ideas.

And I am feeling the inkling of longer-term projects – this one today, writing for another site, training for a 1/2 marathon and doing 2013 Project Life. H is so busy with grad school + work, I need to fill my own time. Having my sister with us is really awesome (she cooks, she cleans, she walks the dog and she entertains me) but eventually she’ll move out (fingers crossed).

Mercury went direct on Monday. This is a good thing. I can feel the upswing, the movement, the energy churning again.

I tweeted this before, but I’ll write it again here: Today was a good day.

____________

For the month of November, I write each day about something I’m grateful for and call it Grateful Season. It’s my way of reviewing the amazing year I’ve had and helps me focus on blogging during the crazy holiday season uptick. Feel free to join me – just make sure you let me know!

This Grateful Season – These Two (Sundays Are For – Week 12)

Oh boy, I would be remiss if I didn’t post about these two multiple times during This Grateful Season. My awesome husband and my perfect dog. Also bringing back the Sundays Are For posts. It’s been a long while since H and I were both home for an entire weekend. Add to it Veterans Day (thank you veterans for your service, for real!) we have a 3-day weekend, which is just loveliness.

H and I have been up and down lately. Mostly, he’s not home because of work and grad school and that leaves me plenty of time to be frustrated, alone and sad. Not to mention the recovery from the crazy work and travel schedule is taking much longer than I hoped (thank you Mercury Retrograde, not for real). And it turns out, I really care about quality time, both for myself and with H. So the past few days I’ve made an effort to take some time for myself and H’s made an effort to spend time with me. It’s helping immensely.

I’ve needed so much sleep lately. Usually I like 7.5 hrs per night, but lately I’m cruising through 10hrs. It makes me feel like a lazy-crap person but I’ve decided to just go with it. Eventually I’ve gotta get the energy back, right? Replenishing the reserves or something…? Besides the sleeping, I’m spending a good bit of time on the couch with H and my sister, at the park with the dog and generally lying low.

How are things by you? xo

For more weekend pictures of beautifulness, visit A Year of Sundays.

 

This Grateful Season – SoCal Fall

We know I complained like a baby about the heat the past few months. Some days, it felt unbearable. Others it was so perfect in the gray of the morning that you’d never know it’d be boiling hot by noon. I get it. We live in the desert. I live where we take full advantage of the water diversions of centuries and one day that water could run out.

But yesterday I took the above picture – 80s, sunny, with crisp leaves on the ground. Today it was rainy and “cold”. It was bliss. And with that I drank tea, did my work, cleaned my house and collaged a bit. And boy, did I need that.

As this Mercury Retrograde season slows me down, I’m hoping to have more days like today over the next few weeks.