Allowing Myself

…to feel, to love, to be.

Tag: moon

Welcome 2014

Sending out a big welcome to 2014, though I’m not as good with the whole “fresh start” as everyone else on the interwebs seem to be.

I’ve realized there is a transitional phase to the years for me. It takes so much for me to process what happened in a year and writing long lists of goals whilst high on a double latte just set me up for disappointment before MLK’s birthday.

December brings an upswing in my career ambitions, the holidays take a lot of energy (I mean, boatloads, people). Not to mention, every January I have to run the largest (aka most stressful) event of my paid job, which makes the whole month pretty much a rubber-band ball of anxiety. No wonder I usually feel a bit behind as the new year starts off.

Our holiday travels were full of family, and I’m so grateful for the time with them. However the trip also involved no sleep, very little in healthy foods, and a head cold for both of us (his hit while we were still at my parents’, mine is just settling in today). Also grateful for the extra week off since we’re on school schedules, but it’s zipping by.

I’m left feeling like I can’t get enough downtime, even though I just had two weeks off from work.

With that said, I’m taking solace in the new year’s moon that just graced our world. In fact, it’s a goal of mine this year to pay attention to the lunar cycles. And as Ezzie says: If you’re having a tricky time of planning your intentions for 2014, or if you feel that the year ahead seems overwhelming in its magnitude: rest assured, it’s not just you.

Well, thank goodness. Because 2014 could be summed up as “overwhelming” even before it started. Our calendar is booked through Christmas, H is adding another professional leadership item to his schedule, and I have more events and hopes for launching things than the past two years combined.

So for the rest of the weekend, I’m working on Unraveling 2014, my INFJ business class, and digging into the first installment of Ali Edwards’ One Little Word class.

Happy new year to your and yours. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself to figure it all out this week. You have the next 365 days to reach whatever goals you’ve set. And you’re probably right where you need to be.

Friday, again

I’ve been absent here. I do miss it, but life ebbs and flows, and there’s only so much time I can spend typing on a laptop.

Still doing much better than last year with the whole back-to-school transition. Spent today co-working with a friend. Want to do that more often. It really helps the loneliness to, y’know, not actually be alone.

And because this was a 4-day work week, we’re back to the weekend again. We’ve begun watching Homeland (which is awesome) and still running the a/c with this SoCal heatwave. Thumbs down. I started another online class (I know, I know) and I really want to post some new stories here and dig deeper into those classes in the next two days.

Even though I was down Tuesday and Wednesday (blame the dark-of-the-moon cycle, especially with it being in Virgo), I am proud of myself for taking charge of my happiness, doing what I needed to do to make the days work.

Hope you’re off to a grand weekend as well, even if you don’t have any plans xo

Moon Void of Course (of course!)

I woke up feeling fine and going about my routine – drink vitamins, feed dog, take him for a walk – but I could feel a heavy feeling gathering. It’s a familiar feeling. It starts with “What should I do today?” slides into “I am so lost” and becomes “I just want to sleep – I hate everything“.

 

Up until now, I’ve been able to avoid it by staying busy. See, I work alone and my job doesn’t require a lot from me. Most people would find this to be most excellent, but for me, it’s like I do not matter in the whole entire world. Staying busy – scheduled, productive, and enjoying my time alone – is key. Recently it’s been even better because I’ve taken on petsitting a friend’s dog 3x per week. This gives me just enough mental stimulation to feel productive but not so much I want to cry. Plus, it’s extra income. Win.

 

Wednesday this feeling started (no pet sitting, no work to focus on and rain too!). I wallowed a bit but eventually got my butt to the gym and then hosted an event. Yesterday, after a late night drinking wine and not a lot of sleep, I expected to feel crappy. Still, I hit the gym and did what I could to figure out what the heck to do with all of this time. I just couldn’t get motivated. And then, my dog sniffed another dog the wrong way at the park and ended up with a bite mark and swollen snout. Nothing horrendous, but scary and stressful enough that I felt myself slipping.