Allowing Myself

…to feel, to love, to be.

Tag: trusting

The Value Of Mornings

Since returning from Alaska / back-to-school time, I’ve been getting up early with H. His alarm goes off at 5:40am and by 6am I’m downstairs in the kitchen feeding Carter his cup of food.

I’ve switched up my morning routine because of the heat. Usually I wake, write morning pages, feed the dog, run with him, eat/shower/dress and leave for work. But that means I could be out for a run as late as 8am and it’s just too damn hot for that right now.

Exercise is a priority, both for Carter (an exercised dog is a tired, won’t-chew-your-shoes dog) and me. That runner’s high keeps me going all day, unties stiff muscles and generally makes me a happier person. But running in the heat is bad for both of us.

So this is our routine for now: wake, feed dog / drink water, go for a run, write, get ready.

Unfortunately, most days writing gets lost, but I’m working on that.

I had this thought since getting back into the work groove – why do I feel obligated to do the work of my job outside job hours, when I never allow myself to do my personal work during job hours?

Hhmmm.

I have so much flexibility in my time and energy that it can become overwhelming – too many options, not enough parameters. But I heard Heidi’s voice in my head saying that this conundrum probably had something to do with value – valuing my time, creativity and personal work.

I’ve been actively putting my personal work at the forefront of my free time and not allowing my salaried job to spill outside of office hours. More so, I’m accepting that this is exactly what happens, and that I need to make conscious choices about what is important to me and what I want to get done with my time.

So, I’m running with the dog before the heat flares up. I’m blogging this before breakfast. I’m tying up email loose-ends and signing off for the night. I’m jotting down a poem instead of checking social media. I’m going for a run without music or a podcast.

My mornings are mine – and it’s important I use them for me. It sets a habit for the rest of the day and it refills my well. Valuing my time, and what I want to do with it, is a new practice for me – even though it’s something I’ve written about before – it seems like one of those lessons I’m meant to learn over and over again.

And it seems that right now, mornings are an opportunity for my daily practice.

 

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Working Hard & Hardly Working

Boy, sign me up for a dog’s life my next time around. While I’m working hard, he’s hardly working.

But it’s a good way to sum up today. Like I wrote last week, I have my master list of projects with bullets for each of  the “next actions” I need to complete to move the project forward. Because I have two trips and three events in 9 days, I am focusing on the minimum. I work through the next actions I’ve assigned myself for that day and don’t worry about doing too much more. It seems to be working.

As my coworker said today, I feel weirdly calm even with two events in the next few days.

Earlier today there was one issue, a catering task, that wasn’t falling into place. As I walked from my lunch meeting (where I had a cinnamon mocha – what?!) to my car, I thought, “I’ve just got to trust. I can feel it’ll work out, but I’m so nervous if I give in or give up, I’ll be screwing myself”. At the car, less than 5 min later, I checked my phone and I had a voice-mail from the one person I was waiting on before I moved forward.

I mean, how perfect is that?! Come on.

Even with stupid long conference calls, traffic, spaghetti-sauce-stained carpet, not enough sleep, running shoes shot, flat tire on my bike and pms, I’m learning… Keep on trusting.

 

 

Keep On Trusting

Today started out well enough. I took a long walk with the doggie, got ready for work, and popped over to therapy. The session went well, circling the topic of using the GTD process to keep on top of the tasks piling up.

For instance, “send out e-vites for three different events” felt like the most urgent task(s), the ones I wanted to panic about. But, I couldn’t move forward on these “next actions” until I received the proofed HTML files back from another department and pulled a few mailing lists (two of which I couldn’t do myself). So while these tasks felt almost desperate, I couldn’t actually do anything about them…yet.

Then the internet went down. Oy vey. Without the internet there is very little work I can do.

So, I didn’t. I wrote and read some, had lunch and waited around for my 3pm meeting. Having an iPhone helps – I checked email and responded to things as I could. Then I made my way to my meeting (at a mansion in Brentwood aka soooooo Hollywood) and drove back home.

And for some reason today, all of this was perfectly OK. I wasn’t frustrated that I couldn’t do work, wasn’t panicking about the urgent tasks and didn’t feel the need to nap, cry, hide or yell. I was 100% cool with it all.

It was an easy day to accept things as they are. I understand this is not always the case (revisit my almost month of blues here). It started from a good frame of mind but I felt my confidence high, believed in trusting, and reassured myself things work out.

When I realized the moon would go void of course at 2:40pm I tested a theory. I thought once the moon changed the internet would come back on, the files would be emailed and I would bat out all of that work in less than an hour. Of course, launching event promotion may not be the best task for moon VOC but I’ve found it’s a super productive time for me to finish up tasks.

Crazily enough, I was right. Moon VOC, trusting in my abilities and believing things will work out.

Perfection.

{feathers still find me}