Allowing Myself

…to feel, to love, to be.

Tag: tweet tuesdays

Tweet Tuesday – Jen Lee

Currently I’m enrolled in Andrea Scher’s Cultivating Courage class. And the above tweet seemed quiet appropriate. I found out above it back in November. Thankful for my past self setting this up.

So far I have drafted a spreadsheet to deal with a bill issue, emailed a coworker, went through all of my events without drinking, taken must needed rest and met a neighbor (who I will be having lunch with tomorrow).

That is all. 🙂

Tweet Tuesday – Ease

I was introduced to the work of Rachel W Cole by the fabulous Creative Living with Jamie podcast. Rachel writes about our hungers, about feeding ourselves, about nourishment. There is something deeply sensual and playful about how she approaches these ideas, like I can feel them in my body more than I take them into my head as ideas.

The quote above made me catch my breath. This is exactly the type of distinction I feel I’m unable to make, especially in any panic or shame-driven state.

Ease = being with what is
That doesn’t mean things are easy. That doesn’t mean I can handle them alone, or I should. That doesn’t mean I have to knuckle down. It doesn’t mean I can’t cut myself a break.

This echos my circling of trust. And it is a mantra as I gear up for 8 events in the next 20 days.

Right now my energy is amazing – the past few days I’ve been cruising through running miles and work tasks and keeping up with everything. It feels easy because I feel good. When I took a small break today, I sat outside and faced the sun. I gave myself a few minutes to sit there soaking it in. I listened to the world around me. I kept my phone off.

I did what Rachel calls a 2-minute hunt for ease without even knowing I was doing so. And I didn’t make that connection until I wrote this just now.

So over the next few days, when I’m not feeling so hot, and things feel more difficult, I can remind myself to stay the course, but also take a rest. Take 2 minutes to hunt for ease, call a friend, close my eye or doodle a thought, and know that I am being with what is and that is ease.

Tweet Tuesday – Not Thinking

The most jarring thing about planning a wedding is how much other people put into it – both in a positive and a negative sense.

On the positive we have people who keep answering our calls for help, volunteering their time, flying on airplanes, taking time off from work, gifting us their services or even just gifting us money to support the whole event. I’ve been touched, baffled and feel quite indebted for and by all of the above.

On the negative though, it cuts equally as deep. People have assumptions, expectations, wants and needs that I am so unaware of, I am caught grossly off guard each time. Speechless. Mentally slow to react, explain or smooth over misunderstandings. Honestly, nothing about my decisions or lack of communicating some detail was ever meant to hurt anyone. I mean, people have been in tears, myself included.

Where do you start with this? How do you reconcile?

I don’t know if we can. Maybe it’s part of the process of building your own relationship separate from your family and friends, of taking your commitment as the priority in matters, of hearing people out but then doing what is right for you and your significant other.

None of this is written with a grain of salt. No matter how much you believe your wedding day is about YOU and your MARRIAGE, it is really about everyone else’s expectations of their own involvement and how that measures up to your love of them and their place in your life. People do not do this intentionally, but they very much find themselves in this position as the planning goes on.

Not once did I think my choice of venue, cake, invitations, songs or DJ would affect anyone personally, but I was wrong. Just because I see these items as logical and fun choices to cross off my To Do list – where intuition about what I like and what it says about “us” as a couple are taken into consideration –  doesn’t mean that someone else didn’t think we’d do it differently.

As in, “That’s what you picked? But that’s so.not.you.” aka “That’s not what I had in mind for you”

Which in a sense can be equally as polarizing, putting you in a position to not only defend your choice, but also question if this person even knows you and, more so, if you really know yourself. Because if they’re a close family member or a best friend, maybe their comment plants a small seed of doubt, and holy shit, maybe you’re not a bird-cage-veil girl and instead you’re panicking that you’re showing up to your wedding as a complete fake without integrity.

Marriage, and the wedding planning that may go into it, are not for the faint of heart. I now know why people elope (and why that probably would’ve put more emotional pressure, not less, on my fiance and I). I do not have the answers. I can’t not read minds. All I can do is keep moving forward (18 days and counting) and hope that, once we’re all dressed up and a few cocktails in, things will roll on as relaxed and happy as H and I truly are as a couple. Because that’s what matters right? The couple?

Tweet Tuesday – SARK

Another mantra I need to be reminded of daily. It’s hard to believe this when you have more ToDos than days in the wedding count-down, but what can you do? Just take each day one a a time, with quiet purpose, and keep living life around these markers and things that need to be accomplished… and hope that you find more time for the beach and less time for biting people’s heads off.

How’s your week going?

Tweet Tuesday – Conversations

I’m sharing these because I thought it meant something that I starred two tweets in two days about conversations.

Apparently, I’m a great conversationalist. This has come to me from many people through the past few years. It’s probably something to do with my Sun in Pisces and my Venus in Aquarius. I love deep, long talks with small groups of people. To complicate things, I’m an INFJ – an introvert for sure – and I gather energy from being alone, not from others.

So on a day like today, where I have a conference call and two meetings, I find myself both exhilarated by the conversation – the sharing of ideas, communication, connection – and also exhausted by all of it.

It’s a relief to share that here.

The moon is in Aries, which for me is usually like getting whacked upside the head, so I know my mood will change in a few hours, if not by Thursday. My goal this week is to accomplish a few small things per day (blogging being one of them) and right now I do feel slightly better that I’ve shown up.

Thanks for that. xo

Tweet Tuesday – Byron Katie #2

I should tattoo this on my face.

Or, I guess, on my arm where I’ll see it. Y’know, like when you were in High School and it was cool to write things on your skin. Notes, phone numbers, little doodles. Do kids still do that or do they just dump the info into their smart phone?

I still do it, usually before bed, and I use a sharpie to make sure the message isn’t lost between my morning shower and my office arrival. So then, I guess the quote above would work.

Speaking of, my little sister just got her first tattoo – rib cage – song lyric from her fav The Fray. Now I’m the only sib without a tat. Not sure how I feel about that, but being that her tattoo serves as a reminder, it fits in my blog post. Also, I’m suffering from a major pms headache and this is about all the blogging I can do before I head to bed.

p.s.

(Byron Katie Tweet Tuesday #1)

Tweet Tuesday – Julia Cameron

While this isn’t the most profound quote I could pull from the great Julia Cameron, it was 100% applicable to my recent  health. I wasn’t feeling so hot in general. Allergies or a head cold were wrecking my sinuses, I’d traveled a bunch (germs, germs germs) and I felt just blah. But I’ve been working, through accepting where I’m at and coming up with a few new realizations, to hone in on what’s really going on.

First of all, I decided that I need to ask myself often “What’s the best use of my time and energy?” and measure my answers against what will really feed my soul. This includes new habits of self-care, quiet time and lots of reading. Cooking, cleaning and chores are only useful when they feel replenishing, not depleting. But there seemed to be something missing still. No matter how much I rested, I still felt resentful. I still had a head cold.

And then, I felt in my bones that creating is the answer.

So when I sat down to blog the other night – and have continued to add creative fun into the past few days – I found I have more energy and less physical pain. Thinking I’ve brought myself back into alignment. And wouldn’t that just be a freakin’ delight for Julia?

Tweet Tuesday – Damien Fahey & Jim Marshall

Musician humor. Love it.

RIP Jim Marshall – I thank you for giving us arena rock.

More from Damien Fahey here.

Tweet Tuesday – Byron Katie

To say that a book changed my life is no small statement. Byron Katie and her work did just that. It helped me understand that my thoughts are just thoughts – little balls of information and dialogue that swim around in my brain – and that I have the ability to question them… especially the thoughts I have about myself.

And so, today I share the below tweet b/c this is really a truth I’ve been living by for over a year now. We are not our anxieties, our sadness, our emotions, our relationships or our thoughts. We are beaming lights of goodness that can only shine when we’re really, truly present in this moment. And this moment.

But how the hell do we get there?

With the practice of asking myself over and over, “Is this true for me?” I’ve been able to create some space in my head (and in my heart). I take a moment of quiet, ask myself this simple question and then listen. The answers are not loud directives but more gut feelings. And I believe we all have that compass, to bring ourselves back to the present moment and listen.

 

Here is where I explain how it changed my life. So grateful.

Read other posts I’ve written where I mention Byron Katie.

Tweet Tuesday – Patti Digh

If you don’t know Patti Digh, here’s a great little tweet from her. Her book “Life is a Verb” and newly redesigned website  37days.com are supposed to be awesome, but to be honest, I don’t get over there much. Mostly, I receive her newsletter and have inhaled any interviews I can find via podcasts. You can tell her work means something to me, though, if I’m affected by it without actually delving into it (yet).

I love how she’s productive, determined and really, truly is a walking example of making up one’s rules for their life and living by them completely. 

And the below gives me permission, for sure: