Allowing Myself

…to feel, to love, to be.

Tag: weather

5 of 52: Year of Ocean

Friday took me down to Santa Monica for a meeting, and I walked the beach for a quick moment afterwards. We’re having a hell of a winter drought, which is awesome for our days of sun, but terrible for the environment. And I miss the cold, crispness of February in Los Angeles, but I know this is better than the snow being dumped on the East Coast.

Decided to shoot my photos with the Hipstamatic app – I was going for that sunburst of heat and SoCal living, but instead I think I captured it all too blown out. Which is appropriate, since that’s how I’ve felt the past few weeks.

It’s my 30th birthday this week and I’m wavering between catching up / recovery from so much work while still being proud and reflective about how far I’ve come. I find it difficult, often, to experience, capture, reflect and understand my life as it goes by. It all seems so much to take in, so much to process and feel and comprehend. I am caught up in the details and then sometimes manically speak about life epiphanies and it all just makes me want to blog more. To process and reflect in this little corner of the internets, to keep throwing down place markers and sign posts – this is new or I’ve been here before, no? – a map of some sort. 

Anyways, that’s where I’m at. I missed a calendar week for this little project, but I  am not letting that deter me. This venture to the ocean on Friday proved my point. I sat on my shoes in the sand, in a dress, set the timer on my iPhone, and just stared at the ocean.

I needed that, and I think I’m going to continue needing it this whole year. xo

**See all of my Year of Ocean

Just A Day, Like Any Other



It’s a hot one.

Up early to cook H bacon and eggs for breakfast. Just had an urge. Cleaned the kitchen, washed dishes, vacuumed the apartment upstairs and down. This was a good thing, since I didn’t have energy to clean last week.

By 7am it was *hot*. Walked Carter, he was panting. Listened to a podcast. Chatted with friends via GChat, read emails, started a data-entry project.

Kicked data entry project’s ass, though I’m still not done. Elbow hurts from all the clicking. Launched emails for another project. Threw away sticky notes with To Dos listed on them – satisfyingly crumpling them.

Ate leftovers and hung out with H, who was home early with his grad school finals. Received some news via text, but nothing we can move forward with. Watched an episode of MadMen. Didn’t write my morning pages. Took a how shower and then finished it with cooler water. Suggested Yogurtland and then decided against it.

Lit a candle and wrote this.

And that’s how my Monday went. Some of the finer details…

The cool, clean air on a quick walk this morning with Carter, before the sun was up. The cobwebs in the drop ceiling near our bathroom hallway. The many glasses of water with ice cubes I drank today. How Carter needs a bath but I just gave him his flea meds, which created a greasy mohawk of fur between his shoulder blades.

I watched Austin Kleon and read this by Amy Oscar and watched this about the overview effect. How lucky I am that I can do mindless “work” and then take breaks absorbing inspiring information about the world around me. How Austin’s “show your work” is supported by Amy sharing her experiences as she learns from them to the idea that we’re all in this together… the cognitive shift that occurs from seeing the Earth from space.

And how much I want my days to be the smallest moments of watching a monarch butterfly cross our path on a walk, and yet, spending so much of my time doing my job is depressing. So when I say, there’s got to be more than this, that is what I mean.

I want more butterflies, more early wake-ups to cook H breakfast, more writing… and much less data entry.

One can dream, no? xo


That Sunlight

Just putting a note up, a sign post, a marker…

That I’m feeling better. (Haven’t felt this good since here). Maybe because the Sun moved into Pisces or Venus too. Maybe because my sister secured a job (congrats to her!!) and she’ll be able to start building her own life here. Maybe because I’m wearing new clothes or because my awesome friends call and text and Facebook me. Maybe because I just have bad weeks that snowball into bad months and maybe that’s OK because I’m always here, and me, and loved…

…even if I forget.

Today LA was that most perfect temperature, where the air is deliciously warm but the heat isn’t too hot. Where I could drive down the 405 with the setting sun lighting up my car windows and the Imagine Dragons record blasting. Enjoy this little track wherever you are when you read this.

Cloudiness Preferred

It’s been raining in Los Angeles on & off for four days straight. We’re not used to this, but it’s a welcome change. The heat wave of September / October really did suck. I much prefer this cloudiness. Great reading weather.

Carter Cash, however, would prefer a drier forecast.

This Grateful Season – SoCal Fall

We know I complained like a baby about the heat the past few months. Some days, it felt unbearable. Others it was so perfect in the gray of the morning that you’d never know it’d be boiling hot by noon. I get it. We live in the desert. I live where we take full advantage of the water diversions of centuries and one day that water could run out.

But yesterday I took the above picture – 80s, sunny, with crisp leaves on the ground. Today it was rainy and “cold”. It was bliss. And with that I drank tea, did my work, cleaned my house and collaged a bit. And boy, did I need that.

As this Mercury Retrograde season slows me down, I’m hoping to have more days like today over the next few weeks.


Happy Halloween

Happy Halloween!

Took this with my Olloclip a few weeks ago. We had some pretty crazy spiders in the house. Caught this one in a drinking glass and kept it for a bit to photograph. Released it outside afterwards. Because of all my traveling, I’m not celebrating Halloween this year, but that’s OK by me. I’m so tired, I never want to leave my house. This happens when I’m away from awhile. Hoping I’m back in balance by next week.

Until then, I’m drinking honey jack and cokes with my sister, watching Walking Dead and nesting in. It’s dark early now. The gray fog rolls in each morning. It was so hot there for so long I thought we’d never get back to my favorite coastal LA weather. But here we are – those season changes like a flip of a switch.