Allowing Myself

…to feel, to love, to be.

Tag: weekend

Making Our Own Happiness

Took Carter down to the beach for a walk this morning – it was already getting busy. Surfers were out riding the waves, runners were flying by us beaded with sweat. We sat on a bench at the end of this new path with a pair of older women, one in a wheel chair. They were going through little rehabilitation exercises in some other language than English. Carter was frustrated we weren’t walking and howled.

We wanted to eat at a restaurant we like with patio seating, but all the outdoor seats were full. Each place we stopped seemed to be not quite right. One had no outdoor seating, another wouldn’t let Carter on the patio, and one place I suggested was closed, gone completely.

It felt frustrating enough that we gave up and headed home, where I cooked us over-easy eggs on buttered toast with English Breakfast tea. I have mine with milk and sugar, he takes his with lemon and honey.

Now H is napping (we partied hard yesterday) before we head up to the Valley for another small BBQ at a friend’s house.

I just read this quote on Brainpickings:

This is where we run into trouble in terms of being fulfilled… You have to make your own happiness, wherever you are. Your job isn’t going to make you happy, your spouse isn’t going to make you happy, the weather isn’t going to make you happy… You have to decide what you want, and you have to find that way of doing it, whether or not the outside circumstances are going to participate in your success… You have to be able to create your own happiness, period. And if you can’t, then you need to find a good shrink who can help you figure out what it’s going to take. ~Debbie Millman

And thought – yes. Yes, I want to go to a friend’s house instead of napping, yes I want to be outside, yes I want to post a little blog here… b/c I want to create my own happiness, lame breakfast places or not.

I hope you’re having a lovely 3-day weekend if you’re here in the US – enjoying the start of summer after that crazy-long east coast winter. And obviously, a special thank you to all the service men and women who serve our country, keep us safe and protect our freedoms.

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But first, rest

There was a new moon on Sunday – and I slept right through it. What a way to welcome in this new season, eh?

Sunday morning, I rollerbladed the dog to the Farmer’s Market (how LA of me, I know). Cruising through the stalls on my skates, I picked out blood oranges, rye bread and farm-fresh eggs. Back at home I cooked a full breakfast. We watched the Flyers game and ate our food.

And somewhere in the 3rd period, I started to nod off. And slept for over an hour, on the couch. H woke me up to ask if I wanted to go climbing, which I did – was looking forward to it all week – but I just couldn’t get moving.

I ended up back in bed, post-shower – warm, clean and more sleepy than before. The sliding door was open and a strong breeze was outside, rustling through the palms. I slept, fairly deeply, for over 3 hours. Each time I woke up, I listened to the breeze outside, felt the cool sheets, and just knew I needed to keep laying there until I felt filled back up.

It took until Monday morning, sleeping in later than I normally do, to finally make me feel rested.

Two weeks ago I attended a conference on higher ed social media. Last week, I spent the day at the YouTube Space in LA.

Both events set my mind churning with ideas.

I am not sure how to capture all of them. Not sure what to do with all of them. I can feel the potential for my work expanding and I can feel that I’m lagging behind. There’s not enough time to capture, organize, do.

Then something clicked – these big ideas I’m having, that could catapult me right out of my current space, are too much. I’m falling into the Mars retrograde problem of all show & no go. I don’t want to talk a big game, I want to create, produce and have something to show for my work.

It’s not about revamping my resume (though it needs an update) or about finding a new job (I like my current position). It’s about going deeper into what I do well and what I can create in my current position. It’s about the work I do for myself.

It rings true for my ideas about flow too – that I need to be ride the waves, be present, act on what’s in front of me, and honor the seasonal shifts.

So I think my day-long nap on Sunday gave me a new perspective – in a subconscious, processing way. There is a certain knowing I’m experiencing in the past month, a confidence in feeling that I am kicking butt, that I am prepared, that there is opportunity for me to step up my game.

But first, I needed to rest.

Sleepy-deepy

Post run snuggle face. Happy Saturday xo

Pop Culture Much?

Well – hello again.

Technically, work’s been super quiet, and I’m taking advantage. BUT I’m really just stock-piling reserves for the craziness that is the end of January string of events. Not to mention most of 2014 being blocked out already. Found out a venue we usually use is booked (FML) so I’m searching for a new option. There’s a bit more drama there, but it’s a total waste of energy to bring it into this space.

I am loving my new iPhone because of the PicTapGo app (see photo above for example). The “lights on” filter basically gives you the look of more light on any photo, plus it tracks the filters you use most frequently. Like, I have a style. Go figure.

And speaking of style – check out this hotness: 5 Days of Dresses by Hell of High Fashion. Jess is the gal who styled me back in February (happy bday to myself) and I’ve been in love with my closet ever since. Gotta do a post soon on the new outfits I purchased a few weeks ago. All I am gonna say is YAY NAVY.

Been talk talk talking about ideas for this little space, my own career and magic in general… conversations with friends, colleagues and lots of cool people. Like the few coffee meetings with Max of Shmedia Media who wrote out a little plan-of-action for me to make on move. First of which involves getting a Pinterest account. Because I need another internet rabbit hole to dive down… but when a guy who knows social media say “You are the reason Pinterest exist” one shuts her mouth and creates an account. More TBD.

We’re almost done with Orange Is The New Black. It’s awesome. Go watch it. The End.

I finally connected my love of Chris Hardwick to the downloading of The Nerdist podcast and my head basically exploded. This podcast is the epitome of everything I care about: art, creating, pulling the curtain back, interviews, real conversations and pop culture (minus deep nerd culture).

Blasting music by Haim and Lucius‘ new record Wildewoman.

And I’m reading The Book Thief and going to see Catching Fire tomorrow with my sister – so if anyone ever says I’m not into pop-culture enough, please remind me to send them this post.

happy weekending.

 

 

 

 

Puppy-Stretch

 

 

Wishing you a peaceful November weekend.

Two of the Nugget

Here’s two of the little nugget for this hot and windy Saturday here in SoCal. This week was tiring – the first one where I really felt like tucking in for the fall season despite the heat. We didn’t sleep well a few nights. One morning H couldn’t get his alarm to shut off. I made myself exercise, but wasn’t excited for it. And even though I was home every night, I still felt exhausted, like I couldn’t get enough energy to fill my reserves.

Spent the morning making a DIY photo booth background – blatantly copied the one in the link with the crepe paper colors our Party City had in stock. It came out good enough, which in my pursuit of creative play, seems to be the best way to go. It’s not amazing. It’s not perfect. But it’s done.

Headed off to a friend’s 30th birthday / going away party… mostly looking forward to my sister’s Fireball whiskey Jell-O shots.

 

 

Sundays Are For (Week 31)

 

Yesterday, I told H that, even if he hasn’t meant to do it on purpose, I see that he’s making our home life (and his personal time) as much of a priority as he can. Work is crazy this year for him – he’s teaching multiple classes, one of which he’s never taught before. He’s planning on the fly, during prep periods and before school starts, and also still attending grad school classes one night a week. While he’s super Type-B, you could not find a more diligent and organized teacher, so this whole schedule is a major upheaval for him.

I see his exhaustion and his determination to just grade one.more.class… and I’m doing what I can to help. So far, I think this is the best back-to-school transition we’ve had, but that may have more to do with my own self-care and less to do with how it’s really going for H.

But I also think it’s his intention to, as he put it, “have a real life” that is creating a bit of relationship reserve for us to draw on as the busy weekdays go by. Last week he brought the vacuum in to be fixed, helped me clean the apartment and continues to cook a few meals (omelets on the weekends and that delish chicken dinner this evening – above) I appreciate the attention and support, and I make sure to tell him so.

This morning we took the dog down to the beach path, grabbed hot drinks and sat on the sand for a bit. H graded and I journaled. It was H’s idea, and I know it’s because he’s trying to include me in his time, and make sure we’re relaxing some, even though he’s so busy.

H is grading yet another stack of papers with Carter Cash laying in his lap, and I’m here writing to you. I think we plan on splitting a small apple pie and watching some Breaking Bad before an early bedtime. (No BB spoilers, we just started Season 1!)

Hope you had a good weekend and will get some sleep too xo

Sundays Are For (Week 30)

Starting Week In The Life, creating an insert for my One Little Word class, slow-cooking sausage and peppers, eating chili cheese dip, hanging with my sister who came over to watch the Giants’ game (they lost). A trip to the dog park where I felt good and then breaking the vacuum somehow battling the fleas, and having a meltdown. Taking a hot shower and relaxing. Feeling insane and then so good. Walking outside in jeans, feeling the breeze and no more heat wave. Being thankful for H and his calm, for his new skill of making us omelets, for chai tea and saying ‘no thanks’ to alcoholic beverages. For getting enough sleep but still being so sleepy. For Amazon video so we can finish season 1 of Homeland and cookie dough ice cream and creating. For days off and weekends and life.

See more Sundays Are For.

 

Friday, again

I’ve been absent here. I do miss it, but life ebbs and flows, and there’s only so much time I can spend typing on a laptop.

Still doing much better than last year with the whole back-to-school transition. Spent today co-working with a friend. Want to do that more often. It really helps the loneliness to, y’know, not actually be alone.

And because this was a 4-day work week, we’re back to the weekend again. We’ve begun watching Homeland (which is awesome) and still running the a/c with this SoCal heatwave. Thumbs down. I started another online class (I know, I know) and I really want to post some new stories here and dig deeper into those classes in the next two days.

Even though I was down Tuesday and Wednesday (blame the dark-of-the-moon cycle, especially with it being in Virgo), I am proud of myself for taking charge of my happiness, doing what I needed to do to make the days work.

Hope you’re off to a grand weekend as well, even if you don’t have any plans xo

Girls’ Happy Hour

As I mentioned, I am feeling pretty good this week. I’ve had energy, been super productive at work, exercised, chatted with friends, cleaned a bunch and cooked at home.

Yesterday was a hot one in the Valley – in fact, it’s been hot all week, but last night involved sitting outside with some girlfriends, enjoying happy hour.

One friend is moving, one doesn’t love her job, another is a great source of work advice, and my sister joined us too. So the conversations flowed around employers valuing their employees, how much easier it is to work with straight-forward people, why people don’t value networking skills, and how we’re all pretty darn good at what we do. We drank margaritas and ice water and split appetizers.

So fun.

And considering I spent the entire day in my windowless office, processing work, all alone, it was magnificent to get out and spend some quality time with my friends. Nothing beats that, I tell ya.

Headed out for some dancing tonight, a hang with a different friend tomorrow, and day-drinking on Sunday. It’s shaping up to be an awesome 3-day weekend.

Hope you enjoy yours xo