Allowing Myself

…to feel, to love, to be.

Tag: weekending

Check List for Worthwhileness

We had Monday off from work – and there is nothing I love more than a Monday holiday. A perfect day for some climbing outside (it’s been months) at Stoney Point.

Making a 1/2 day trek to LA’s urban outdoor rock gym is right in line with my adventuring for 2015.

It requires some planning, getting up early on a day off, packing a bit, and the whole hustle it takes to actually get going. Then, once you’re there, you scout around for the routes, re-route your plan if other people are already there, discuss anchor points, look at maps, stand in the hot sun and set anchors (this part mostly done by H), and then finally – almost 2 hrs after you left the house – you’re ready to climb.

And climbing is a metaphor for life itself, but we don’t need to go into it right now. Instead, what I want to point out is, all of the above is hurdle enough to keep people (and by “people”, I mean me) from doing anything interesting with their time.

So a day like this is really just a check-list for embarking on anything worthwhile:
Plan a bit
Pack a bit
Invite someone cool to travel with
Stare at maps some
Scout a bit
Route + re-route as needed
Tie in / buckle up / walk off the cliff (whatever, you get it)
… and enjoy it

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Sad To Be Home, For Once

Usually my “back home” posts are ones I look forward to – full of relief and routine. My last post was written ~12 days ago, and if you’ve been following along, you know ALASKA happened.

And Alaska is something that resonated in me so deeply, I am not sure how to tell you about it yet – though I did keep a travel journal which is half-way done, so I do have some notes on it all…

But that’s not what I want to write about this morning.

Like every August, our trip ended with us coming home to a dog full of fleas. Flea season gets us every time, usually August/September, when the weather heats up and Carter Cash spends a lot of time outside. Luckily, we have our new vinyl floors downstairs and my sister cleaned our apartment while we traveled, so I wasn’t freaking the shit out after noticing fleas all over Carter’s butt right after the taxi cab dropped us off.

In less than 20min of being home, Carter and I went into the tub for a full-on-offensive-attack bath.

Then we biked him to the grocery store to restock our fridge. Henry suggested I make chili for dinner, so as he unpacked the groceries, I chopped veggies and browned turkey meat. We ate on the couch while watching a National Geographic show about Alaska (I know, I’m obsessed).

Later on we unpacked suitcases, vacuumed the dog’s crate, washed dishes and took hot showers. We were asleep by 10pm.

I woke up this morning at 7am, with the blazing SoCal sun beating through the sliding door.

Our dirty vacation clothes were packed already sorted into whites / darks / colors (because we’re crazy like that) so I was able to run a few loads of laundry this morning as I cooked breakfast. I did a hiit workout and ran the dog 2m. I drank water, hung up jackets, put away travel sized toiletries, and folded laundry. I tried to not feel overwhelmed by the piles of stuff left from the frenzied day before we left or panic about having to go back to work tomorrow.

I’m reading Four Seasons in Rome by Anthony Doerr and sinking into his descriptions of being a new father in a new city – his detailed descriptions of Rome echoing the fleeting grasp I have on Alaska. “As it always is with leaving home, it is the details that displace us. The windows have no screens. Sires, passing in the street, are a note lower. So is the dial tone on our red plastic telephone…”

Usually the details of home settle me back in – my travel is work or family related – and I crave my own boundaries and comforts. But this time I am sad. Our trip was packed, full of amazing happenings and really great family time, but it went so fast – I can’t believe it’s already over.

H went to play roller-hockey and when he returns, he’ll be transferring and backing-up the almost 1000 photos and videos we shot during the 11 days away. I hope spending some time with those captures helps this feeling of loss, and that writing about it in my travel journal and here for you keeps the deep satisfaction of my experience right where I can hold it.

Piqued

I spend a lot of time online – reading and absorbing. And I’ve seen how other bloggers post link round-ups, but I hesitate to do the same b/c I don’t want to create more entry points to the black hole of the internet. So I’ve decided to have a (hopefully) weekly post where I collect things that have caught my eye, sharing them with you, but mostly throwing down a snapshot of my brain in web-links.

Oh, and it will (hopefully) include a weekly photo of Carter Cash b/c…
Carter Cash.

Last night, we sat in OVER AN HOUR of traffic at MIDNIGHT because the 405 was CLOSED. Happy Mercury retrograde!!!

Abide With Me and Staying Near, by Lindsey Mead (and the quote below) made me feel and think, but I’m finding Lindsey’s writing often does that to me:

Just being – ourselves, with someone else, aware – is no small feat for most of us. Being present to someone else with our conscious self. Bearing witness to someone else without judgment. Listening to someone else without agenda. This is a true gift.

Medium: started by the founder of Twitter & Blogger, Ev Williams, a new platform for longer stories. I’ve been thinking about longer stories and how I want my blog to hold space for that kind of writing. Will share if I actually sign up & post on Medium.

As the art critic Harold Rosenberg once wrote: “Being loved is a kind of fame.”
And, in America, we seem to see anonymity as being the polar opposite of what we all believe we value most: authenticity.
Authenticity is this God-term that encapsulates what we as Americans find sacred and it is the heart our culture of romantic individuality.
I’ll define authenticity as that which what we feel is most real, true and original about ourselves.
And authenticity has this interesting correlation with fame.
As in: the more I’m seen and known, the more famous I am, the more authentic I am.
Despite the fact that fame, as we all know, is in its essence a kind of persona or mask and also a kind of un-reality.

(Above quote) Speaking of longer stories, my friend Steve, who is the person who suggested that I should try therapy b/c I would probably enjoy it – is blogging! We have these epic 3-hour-long lunches where we talk & discuss & delve deeper than regular conversations, and reading his blog gives me that same feeling, and though it doesn’t replace our convos, it’s a good bridge till the next time.

I met Jen Lee and watched her film, Indie Kindred, when she toured last year. I felt so special Jen took time to chat with me one on one – it was like she was there just to see me. She’s one of my creative heroes and I’m happy to share Indie Kindred was released in streaming form online this past week – and also, I’m included in the trailer. Weeeeeeee!

I have to admit, when I heard Elise was launching a podcast, Elise Gets Crafty, I felt jelz. Like, really. I want a podcast haha. But I’m only 6 episodes in, and I have to say, where it lacks in polish, it more than makes up for it in awesome information & discussions. It’s a testament to having an idea, launching, and figuring it out as you go – which is more than most people can say. Episode 3 is my fav so far.

West Coast – Lana Del Rey. This song is officially my summer jam. I don’t know many songs that make me want to dance and make out.

Down on the West Coast, they got their icons
Their silver starlets, their Queens of Saigon
And you’ve got the music, you’ve got the music
In you, don’t you?

Down on the West Coast, they love their movies
Their golden gods and rock and roll groupies
And you’ve got the music, you’ve got the music
In you, don’t you?

 

Annnnddddddd a few of my favorite link round-ups:
Something Good, by Jill Salahub
Five on Friday, by Kelly Purkey
Web Time Wasters, by Yes and Yes

 

Making Our Own Happiness

Took Carter down to the beach for a walk this morning – it was already getting busy. Surfers were out riding the waves, runners were flying by us beaded with sweat. We sat on a bench at the end of this new path with a pair of older women, one in a wheel chair. They were going through little rehabilitation exercises in some other language than English. Carter was frustrated we weren’t walking and howled.

We wanted to eat at a restaurant we like with patio seating, but all the outdoor seats were full. Each place we stopped seemed to be not quite right. One had no outdoor seating, another wouldn’t let Carter on the patio, and one place I suggested was closed, gone completely.

It felt frustrating enough that we gave up and headed home, where I cooked us over-easy eggs on buttered toast with English Breakfast tea. I have mine with milk and sugar, he takes his with lemon and honey.

Now H is napping (we partied hard yesterday) before we head up to the Valley for another small BBQ at a friend’s house.

I just read this quote on Brainpickings:

This is where we run into trouble in terms of being fulfilled… You have to make your own happiness, wherever you are. Your job isn’t going to make you happy, your spouse isn’t going to make you happy, the weather isn’t going to make you happy… You have to decide what you want, and you have to find that way of doing it, whether or not the outside circumstances are going to participate in your success… You have to be able to create your own happiness, period. And if you can’t, then you need to find a good shrink who can help you figure out what it’s going to take. ~Debbie Millman

And thought – yes. Yes, I want to go to a friend’s house instead of napping, yes I want to be outside, yes I want to post a little blog here… b/c I want to create my own happiness, lame breakfast places or not.

I hope you’re having a lovely 3-day weekend if you’re here in the US – enjoying the start of summer after that crazy-long east coast winter. And obviously, a special thank you to all the service men and women who serve our country, keep us safe and protect our freedoms.

Pop Culture Much?

Well – hello again.

Technically, work’s been super quiet, and I’m taking advantage. BUT I’m really just stock-piling reserves for the craziness that is the end of January string of events. Not to mention most of 2014 being blocked out already. Found out a venue we usually use is booked (FML) so I’m searching for a new option. There’s a bit more drama there, but it’s a total waste of energy to bring it into this space.

I am loving my new iPhone because of the PicTapGo app (see photo above for example). The “lights on” filter basically gives you the look of more light on any photo, plus it tracks the filters you use most frequently. Like, I have a style. Go figure.

And speaking of style – check out this hotness: 5 Days of Dresses by Hell of High Fashion. Jess is the gal who styled me back in February (happy bday to myself) and I’ve been in love with my closet ever since. Gotta do a post soon on the new outfits I purchased a few weeks ago. All I am gonna say is YAY NAVY.

Been talk talk talking about ideas for this little space, my own career and magic in general… conversations with friends, colleagues and lots of cool people. Like the few coffee meetings with Max of Shmedia Media who wrote out a little plan-of-action for me to make on move. First of which involves getting a Pinterest account. Because I need another internet rabbit hole to dive down… but when a guy who knows social media say “You are the reason Pinterest exist” one shuts her mouth and creates an account. More TBD.

We’re almost done with Orange Is The New Black. It’s awesome. Go watch it. The End.

I finally connected my love of Chris Hardwick to the downloading of The Nerdist podcast and my head basically exploded. This podcast is the epitome of everything I care about: art, creating, pulling the curtain back, interviews, real conversations and pop culture (minus deep nerd culture).

Blasting music by Haim and Lucius‘ new record Wildewoman.

And I’m reading The Book Thief and going to see Catching Fire tomorrow with my sister – so if anyone ever says I’m not into pop-culture enough, please remind me to send them this post.

happy weekending.