At Home, in the Blues

 

 

 

And then we went to the Doheny Blues Festival.

The weather was warm, and the music was hot. We baked in the sun all day, H getting a ridiculous farmer’s tan. I slathered on the SPF 50. We lounged in beach chairs, relaxing with 10k other people. Luckily, H found us a spot right on the edge of the last section where people were setting chairs down. We ate BBQ, funnel cake, and tacos, and drank lots of beer and wine.

At one point, waiting for the Tedeschi Trucks Band to go on, I feel asleep on a blanket we put out. The sun was just sliding behind a tree, and the shade felt warm and cool at the same time. I was tipsy from wine, belly full of tacos, and I just felt this delicious feeling of…

Summer

and

Love

and

Peace

Blue music has my heart-strings more than other music seems to move me.

I discovered Susan Tedeschi when I was about 15 yrs old – a neighbor bought me her CD saying I sounded like her. Well, I was flattered, because this woman could sing. And I wish I’d kept hold of that thread through music college, because I think of how much more singing I could’ve done if I’d chased after this line of music.

Those memories bring me back to being 16 yrs old, at music camp, and so in love with life (and a boy). How at home I felt, surrounded by people playing music, holding hands with this guy who looked past my eyes and into my soul, and away from my family for the first time.

I remember being in a vocal workshop and us all going around improv-ing these blue lyrics over some changes. And I remember feeling this instance in my body, and letting it come out my mouth, almost too late where I’d missed my cue… but I hadn’t. And after that exercise, the assistant teacher came over and complimented me on my timing, on my voice.

I’d really had something.

But the next few years proved to be challenging, and music went off my map, or maybe I went off it’s. I remember a few years later, one teacher said she didn’t know if I “couldn’t hear the right notes, of if you just have terrible pitch”. Contradictory feedback, eh? And the second came at $1000+ / credit. (shaking my head – like wtf?)

Regardless, being back in the sun and grass, hearing those guitars come charging through the afternoon heat, and Susan’s voice flooding my ears – it felt good to be back there.

Wherever that is.

And then I cut my hair off…

 

I’ve needed a haircut for months now. No recollection of the last time I had one… Fall 2013? Maybe even before the wedding? Is that possible!?

While I’m generally organized and put together, things like haircuts and eye-brow waxing tends to fall by the wayside. Plus, my hair is wavy and blond, so it’s not like it needs much to look pretty.

It hit the length of “beyond frustrating” a few weeks ago, when the thought of showering and brushing it out became exhausting. It was then I realized it was probably long enough to donate to Locks of Love. So I started contemplating chopping it off – in an act of summer, of a fresh start, of becoming…

The only other time I’ve ever done this was back in 2004 (wow, almost 10 years ago) when my hair was far beyond a good length and a free haircut sounded worth it. Plus, if I was donating it, I wouldn’t feel so sad about it, right?

I wasn’t too upset about it then, and kept it at a shorter length for 1/2 a year or so, through my brother’s graduation, living with my good friend JoAnna in Boston and moving to Nashville for a semester. Those were not great times, but at least my hair was cute.

While the idea occurred to me a week or two ago, it was only this morning that I committed. Luckily, H’s favorite stylist, Jenney, was working and had an open appointment I could hit on my lunch hour. And she was totally into this whole process – Donating is rad.

This is my before and after photo. My long hair is so beautiful, I am sad to see it go, but I know it’ll grow back. Jenney said most people’s hair grows 1/2 inch per month, which means I have about 6 months till my hair is a more usual length, but I can deal with that. Brings me right through the annual September heat-wave of Los Angeles. I even plan on going back in about 10 weeks to get a trim, like a big girl.

so, hello summer. Hope your Monday was good!

 

Puppyball On The Bed

 

Oh sure, please put your dirty furball body right on the place where I lay my head.

Just A Day, Like Any Other

 

 

It’s a hot one.

Up early to cook H bacon and eggs for breakfast. Just had an urge. Cleaned the kitchen, washed dishes, vacuumed the apartment upstairs and down. This was a good thing, since I didn’t have energy to clean last week.

By 7am it was *hot*. Walked Carter, he was panting. Listened to a podcast. Chatted with friends via GChat, read emails, started a data-entry project.

Kicked data entry project’s ass, though I’m still not done. Elbow hurts from all the clicking. Launched emails for another project. Threw away sticky notes with To Dos listed on them - satisfyingly crumpling them.

Ate leftovers and hung out with H, who was home early with his grad school finals. Received some news via text, but nothing we can move forward with. Watched an episode of MadMen. Didn’t write my morning pages. Took a how shower and then finished it with cooler water. Suggested Yogurtland and then decided against it.

Lit a candle and wrote this.

And that’s how my Monday went. Some of the finer details…

The cool, clean air on a quick walk this morning with Carter, before the sun was up. The cobwebs in the drop ceiling near our bathroom hallway. The many glasses of water with ice cubes I drank today. How Carter needs a bath but I just gave him his flea meds, which created a greasy mohawk of fur between his shoulder blades.

I watched Austin Kleon and read this by Amy Oscar and watched this about the overview effect. How lucky I am that I can do mindless “work” and then take breaks absorbing inspiring information about the world around me. How Austin’s “show your work” is supported by Amy sharing her experiences as she learns from them to the idea that we’re all in this together… the cognitive shift that occurs from seeing the Earth from space.

And how much I want my days to be the smallest moments of watching a monarch butterfly cross our path on a walk, and yet, spending so much of my time doing my job is depressing. So when I say, there’s got to be more than this, that is what I mean.

I want more butterflies, more early wake-ups to cook H breakfast, more writing… and much less data entry.

One can dream, no? xo

 

Sundays Are For (Week 24)

 

 

 

Sleeping in 3 hours past weekday wake-ups, but still up before 9AM. A trip to the dog park for Carter Cash while I sit in the car talking to my mom. Brunch at our favorite local joint, where we sit at the counter for the first time. The vat of whipped butter is a surprise and the bustle of the workers is impressive. For $21 we both get french toast, sausage or bacon, two eggs and coffee. Perfection. A quick walk around the farmer’s market and we head home.

Afterwards, I feel cranky. Even though I’ve had  a mug of coffee, I am tired. The past two weeks had been all sorts of odd energy. We planned to ride down to the beach, but instead, I lay down on the couch and fall asleep for two hours.

H does work, straightens up and takes a shower. My nap is blissful and exactly what I needed. Once I’m up again, I have energy to go out.

We ride down to the ocean to find it’s a lot foggier than we expected, almost cold. We find a free bike rack, lock them up, pick up some wine at the store, and head out onto the beach. It’s so relaxing, refreshing, rejuvenating. Hands down best way to bring me back to myself. And it reminded me of this Sunday back in September – Sundays Are For (Week 8)

On our way home, we stopped at the grocery store for a few items (I’ve gotten really back at doing larger grocery runs), showered, and ate frozen pizza. Then I video chatted with a friend in NYC – she used to be my boss before she relocated. She’s awesome & I miss her. It was so smart of us to video chat, her with wine and me with my pizza. WHY didn’t we do this sooner?!

And now it’s the quiet hour, where I eat some strawberries and H studies for a grad school final, and Carter lays on the couch, watching us. Our apartment is a mess and other things are up in the air, but right now, life is awesome.

Happy Sunday to you too xo

 

 

 

A Note For My Mom

My mom doesn’t know I write this, but I’m hoping to share it with her soon. And if you read along, you know I don’t mention other people much because this is public and I respect their privacy. This account is more for me, and whoever else it may help if they stumble upon it.

But I wanted to drop a note here for her, for us, and where we are. It’s been over a year since we had our most horrible (and hopefully last) insane knock-down-drag-out fight. The kind where you scream and yell and then hang up on each other. The kind where you get into bed and cry the rest of the day. The kind where, if this were a relationship with a man, I would’ve left. Immediately.

I tried to write about my feelings here.

It’s also been over a year since my mom has taken control of her life, taking herself through a weight-loss program that also touched her soul. And thank God for that, because now we have a real relationship.

And so, here on Mother’s Day, I just want to say how proud I am of her in the changes she’s made, in her attitude shift that allows her to enjoy and cherish life again. And how lucky I am that she’s come back to us, that we can have a true friendship now at this time in our lives, that she can appreciate the life I have, and how my husband loves me, and all of life’s awesomeness in general.

When friends ask me for advice dealing with a parent who is acting crazy, I can only say so much. The frustrations and anger back then were almost too much to deal with – I really thought I was going to have to limit our relationship for my own protection. But now that things are so much better, I don’t have much advice at all, because I didn’t change.

My mom did.

And for that, I can celebrate this mother’s day more than any before. Love you mom. xo.

Eyeliner

What a sleepy pup. And look at all that black eye-liner. Must’ve been out late again.

Always…

I’m taking things slow. Focusing on me. Allowing creativity to come through.

How are you? xo

Go Slowly

Like I mentioned before, the sun cycles seem to have an affect on me. Recently, I am sleeping amazingly well, but I do not feel any energy buzz. Things are slow going, like the methodical and earthy Taurus moon. A routine doesn’t exist. And so, I take each day as it comes whether they’re bad, fun or downright shit. I’m giving myself time and kindness. And I’m taking pictures of snails, collecting feathers, talking to people on the phone, trying to have work days with no meetings and catching up on Project Life. I exercise when I feel like it and or I don’t bother.

And somehow, things keep moving along, just like this little guy above. Slow and steady wins the race.

**Fun to note here that this is my 401st post!! I’ve been writing for 3 years this month. If that isn’t a great example of slow & steady, I don’t know what is. Perfect timing

 

I’ll Take It

If this is what we get in return for my sister crashing with us for 6 months – I’ll take it!

Thanks Ricky <3